Thursday, December 28, 2006

More nightmares.. Revelations and Pain

As she escorted me down the halls of the ancient ruin; which is the only way I can think of to describe it, I thought for sure I was living a bad dream. Mere ripples of the temple's former glory whispered through the dark halls, calling out to me like a siren's song .I could see the tapestries, which were full of color and life in my time, now dark with decay, and coated in dust hanging from the walls. We passed the hall of the lost 20 and she stopped.

" Come in here first, there is something you MUST know. " I followed albeit hesitantly. She pressed the button which activated the holo pictures of the faces of the lost 20, the 20 jedi who had been knights, some revered and then turned to the darkside, like Count Dooku. " you do know what this is don't you?" she asked me, her eyes fixed on mine.

I could feel there was some terrible truth she was about to reveal.Something I didn't want to hear but must hear for the greater good.

" Yes this is the hall of the lost 20, or now the lost 21"

" Wrong, it's now the hall of the lost 23"

" WHAT?"

She smiled and shushed me" Catia counts for 22.. the 23rd was her apprentice.. Lord Vader"
I nodded, the bile rising in my throat.. Why wouldn't she tell me who it was? I could goback and kill the person before this acrocity ever happened!

"why I brought you here is not because of Vader or Catia, but because of your father. He is one of the lost 23"

My eyes widened with shock. No! it simply couldn't be! My father one of the lost 23? No!

" It can't be!"

" Oh but it is.. you get your force sensatitivy from him. he died about 20 years ago give or take.. just before you were born.. Phobia.. Our father.. he was apprenticed to Qui Gon Jinn"

The world suddenly spun and I fell flat on my butt in the hall.. There was no utter way.. but somehwere in my heart I have always known it was true.. Every tiem I saw his holo I felt a special connection to him. I didn't know why.. I rose and slowly made my way over to the holo picture of my father.. The apprentice of Qui Gon Jinn.. fallen to the darkside, and his death watched by the man I care most about in this world: it was Xanatos.
My hand rose to the holo and it flickerd before comming back into place." Who.. who was my mother?"

" Your mother was a call girl in the Blue Rose bar.. When you were born, she wanted nothing to do with you.. she dumped you as soon as she could. Xanatos wanted to take responsibility for his mistake, by finding you and bringing you to the temple if nothing else; but Qui Gon would not let him search for you. In his diary Xanatos thought that Qui Gon was jealous of you and was afraid you would distract him from training."

"The council agreed and forbade Xanatos to search for you. Your own story you know from then on. it was because of the council's denial that caused Xanatos to turn to the darkside. He felt they had betrayed him. when the council teaches patience and tolerance but whenever Xanatos tried to excerise those same virtues he was brought up to being a golden calf of sorts. It would make anyone angry.. some could survive it , others could not. Your father was one of the unfortunates . I believe if he had found you, he might not have turned at all."

Tears were falling from my eyes as she finished the story. Pressing a small button on the bottom of the drawer, she removed a small mahogany chest with the symbol of a raven etched into it via wood burning. She pressed it into my hands. " He was quite good with wood projects. He left a note asking that if you would ever come to the temple that this box finds it 's way into your hands. You can take it back with you to the past"

She pulled me to my feet and we exited the room and kept going down the hall to another door which she knocked and I heard a male voice answer" Come on in dear.. I'm almost done with these old records!" Smiling she tugged me into the room and I nearly dropped the box as the man seated at the computer nearly dropped his glasses.

He was the spitting image of Obi Wan in his younger days, a pair of thick geek glasses perched on his nose, clad in a red sweater and black jeans with black boots. Giggling my future self pinched me and laughed " no your not dreaming. I thought so too the first time I met him.. so to speak.. come on in and sit down.. there's more we need to talk about.. "

The man rose from the computer and extended his hand to me" I'm glad you got that message, you did turn it over to the council though didn't you?" he asked with a look that reminded me of an evening I would love to forget. Embarassment flashed through me and he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it" There was no need to be embarassed about that night.. but you might want to know that it was Gar Gar who spiked the punch not Anakin. Blasted cat framed him for it. Needless to say, Anakin took his revenge in a very just way."

giggled, butterflies fluttering around in my stomach." um okay.. is there anything I shouldn't be asking?"

He nodded gravely" Two things, one who Catia's apprentice was and secondly, about my past.. You know much but you know nothing.. all I will say is I am a Jedi..." A kiss to my forehead.. Hmm maybe I should stay in the future..

The void that had made me felt so restless and alone was filling under his tender care and I sighed relaxing into the couch. He chuckled and ruffled my hair" You can't stay here as much as I would like to let you.. You have to go back before Vader knows your here .. oh and when you see Obi Wan again, tell him in the matter of DJK.. things are not always what they appear to be, look to a gypsy."

My future self sat bolt upright her eyes wide" He's here. Ivan get her to the portal, I will distact him" she raced out of the room headed in one direction, Ivan grabbed me by the arm and took off running for the oppisite end of the hall. I could see the portal shining in the gardens. All of a sudden he doubled over in pain" Keep running, don't stop for anyone or anything. Remember we're always with you GO!"

He ran back down the hall to help his wife.

My feet beat across the stones as I ran for the portal . I was almost to it when a chilling darkside energy made me turn, my hand on my saber there stood the one man who everyone feared.. Darth Vader.

He looked right at me and his eyes seemed to widen in shock.. Well I wouldn't know because they were hidden behind that ugly helmet. He raised my future self from the stones and began to choke her. To my horror I felt my trachea begin to give way under the intense pressure. I unclipped my saber intent on helping them even if I could barely breathe.

Ivan screamed at me to run but I refused and instead went after Vader , using every ounce of strength I possessed.

He had me beaten in 5 moves. As he raised his saber to strike the final blow, a surge of energy whipped through my body, elecricity crackled through my fingertips and I slammed Vader in the chest with force lightning. He was thrown back and I picked up my saber which had fallen to the floor" now tell me who you really were before you became Darth Vader"
He scoffed" you would not believe me if I told you"
My saber inched closer, wanting to stirke the final blow but I could not, my training would not let me, not til I knew the truth.

" Try me"

He remained silent, as though considering my challange and said" Alright, a riddle for you then , the kyrat dragon flies,the mynock sings.Two twists of blue one soon to be red. Disturbed and confused, angry and resentful, one pines for an unrequuited love. Fires of passion burn bright when these two duel. Who are they?"

He chuckled" If and when you figure the answer out, I will tell you my true identity, even let you kill me. For I am sure you will wish to. When you figure it out, type the answer on a blank datapad and leave it on the windowsill of your room. I will find you."

Then he force shoved me through the portal.

I fell on my head in my room , trying to draw air but I found I couldn't. He had crushed my trachea. I stumbled out the hall and to the helaer's ward, praying to the force Obi Wan and Anakin wern't there trying to find me.. I slipped in and saw one of the healers quickly before I passed out and she healed my throat in a matter of seconds.. She warned me not to try to talk til sunriset least, and told me she would keep me hidden from Anakin and Obi Wan for them moment. So now I can sit and think.. and maybe open this box..
More later

Sunday, December 24, 2006

The future.. secrets, and more headaches

When I woke my head felt like it wanted to split in half the pain was so bad. Stumbling to my feet I made my way to what appeared to be the temple and pushed open the heavy doors. The place was too earily silent.. Somethign was wrong, very wrong... There were limited force presences here and I had no idea why.. for one of the few times in my life, I will admit, I was scared to death. What had happened? Normally the temple was buzzing from day to day and now it was as quiet as a graveyard..

The pain abated as I glimpsed a magazine lying on the floor, Empire Monthly? What in all stars was going on? I picke it up and read it.. then it dropped from my hands like I had touched aheated hyperdrive core.. Oh gods.. no.. no.. it couldn't be! A set of hands landed on my shoulders and spun me around.. It was.. me.. but older.. a lot older.. beyond my years even.. " You came through the chest didn't you?" she asked me.

I could only nod.

She quickly pulled me down familiar yet strange hallways til we reached what was and is my quaters " Take a seat.. We have much to discuss" She siad, her eyes somber as she poured some jawa juice. I took the cup she handed me and began to sip slowly " How far in the past are you from?"

I looked up at her.. over the rim of my glass " Well I can tell you that it's Christmas Eve there.. The party.. "

She gave me a curt nod, " whati s going on in your time?"

I gave her a quick recount, about Barriss, Erfia and what had been happening at the temple.. " .. it might not be too late to reverse what happened.." she muttered thinking aloud.. a bad habbit which I swear I will curb if it kills me

I had enough" Explain to me what happened or I will find my own way back! I'm getting sick and tired of you not telling me things! I am you damnit!" my frustration was building like a pressure cooker and pretty soon I was gonna snap if I didn't get some answers.

She sighed" alright, sit still and I will explain, but listen carefully because I don't repeat myself"

I curled up in the armchair as she went into her tale

" Three months after your fight with Harusame, the council offered a potion to seperate Catia from you and give her a body of her own. you took it.. well at least I did. it split us and fora while things were fine.. but then.. soemthing happened. While on a mission to Endor to bring food and medical supplies to the batallion stationed there a hail came out to all of the Jedi telling them to return to the temple. I went back as comanded , but my sneses were on alert. When I entered the temple the warning of danger screamed through the air and I ran for the council room. There stood Catia, saber in hand , her new apprentice next to her."

"Her apprentice lifted his saber to begin striking down the younglings around him, but I threw myself at their feet, pleading for the children to be spared " sheshivered and looked even more dead than alive as she continued " they agreed on one condition, I had to choose who lived and died on the council and through out the whole temple.. The remaining council membersare Master Yoda, Master Kenobi, Ki Adi Mundi and Adi Gallia. and the others who were killed.. I was forced to watch their excutions.. Later her apprentice became Lord Vader and I the emmisary between the Jedi and the Empire.. We are basically Vader's personal assisians now not much more.. Life continues here, but not without constant reminders of what happened, Espically for me..

"Catia dissapeared into the center of the galaxy and has not been herd from since.. I assume she is still alive and biding her time in case her apprentice should fail. She gave Sidious the title of Emperor and made him Vader's handelr in another words" the last part was spat out hatefully.

My mind was having trouble wrapping itself around all of this, but I knew therewas one thing she kept from me" who was her apprentice ?"

Her eyes flashed and she looked at me strenly" I will not answer that, needless to say his betrayl affected us all ." she sighed and stood" C'mon I think it's time you met theman who sent that chip to you.. "

I followed her out the door " who?"

"My husband , Ivan"

More Later
(from Pho's author: Merry Christmas everyone!)

Monday, December 18, 2006

Christmas party woes

Well believe it or not I made it whole to the night of the party.. how? That part I don't know.. Point was I was at the party and there where whispers and various people pointing to me and whispering .. I shook it off and headed to the punch table..

I saw some sort of row between Padme and Anakin but wansn't paying much attention as my eyes locked on a certain someone across the room. I don't know what it was but the next thing I knew I was being whirled across the floor and a whisper in my ear of " spiked punch"

A very agreeable shiver went up my spine.. I didn't know what I was doing.. It was like I was watching myself . Everything else i knew that told me this was wrong went out the window and it was like as though I was moving on a programmed set of movements.

Just as I was about to betray the one secret I fought so long to keep, lights blared and the song " Rage Against the machiene " . Suddenly I was out on the dance floor alone.

" Catia what is going on with me?" I asked, my body feeling like it was on fire
I got no answer, which scared me.

I headed over for a second drink and it only took about 2 minutes and the same warm feeling returned through my limbs.. i had pratically no control over my body and as I moved closer and closer.

The feeling grew more and more intense until I was sure I would burn up like a piece of paper in the fire.
Whenever I found myself next to him again there were tears squcking from the corners of my eyes and I swore I would kill whoever had spiked that punch.. espically if it was Anakin. all I could manage to make myself say was" Spiked punch.. forgive me.. please" before I had pinned him against the wall ,kissing him like a woman starved for food.

Oh force.. if I must die.. let me die now while I was happy.. The feeling grew and grew until I swas sure I would die from it.. then mercifully.. Oh force mercifully I only saw blackness.. The last thing I remember seeing was a pair of sea green eyes.

When I woke .. I was in the hospital wing, still in my dress, thank god. Voices were comming from behind the closed door next to me. I distinctly heard anakin among them. and did I hear... Gar Gar? Stars I was going to kill someone at any moment...

As the door opened and Obi Wan looked over at me, I buried my head in the pillow and cried my eyes out.. Everything had come back in one, very painful bright rush and I could not bear to look at him .
I heard Anakin as well and one look told me all I needed to know.. He had done it. He had to have.... .

" Don't you even come near me Anakin!" I screamed at him. I'm sure if I could've seen a miror I looked horrible. For a small moment I was caught between lunging for his throat and choking thevery life out of him and jusr running out of there as fast as I could.

I chose the latter.

I force ran out of the hospital ward,clear back to my room . I wanted to die.. to let myself be swallowed up and die utterly.. If Anakin had not spiked the punch, my secret.. the one thing I fought above all to protect.. would not be in such danger. My heart felt like it wanted to be ripped out and stomped on..

I briefly wondered what he must think of me.. Probably thought I was nuts, overreacting or having some allergic reaction to whatever that weasel spiked it with. .. I glanced around my room ,my eyes falling on each of my things in turn..
I considered running from the temple, but that wouldn't do either.. it would just make things worse..

Then my gaze fell on Catia's trunk..
"yes Phobia.. an escape.. that chest can make it so this never happened.. and do a good deed too .. "

I lifted the chest lid open and in it. .was a portal.. A swirling white portal.. all I would have to dowas step through and.. poof.. I knew how portals worked.. but then again I could always go back to the Rekai for a year..

Then I would be free. .but then again.. Kurama and Yusuke would have my head for running then expecting them to protect me.. no this was best..
A quick change of clothes and I headed back looking into the chest.. I would only stay for a few hours.. somehwere where I could think.. unimpeeded and without distraction..

Somehwere I wouldn't have a chur'ell freind trying to wreck my life or a dissapointed Jedi Master.. I briefly wondered what MY master would think of this. She'd probably be ashamed of me too I figure.. .

"Catia.. where does the portal end up?"
"nowhere and everywhere whereever it deems you need to go the most"
Nodding I scribbled a note so no one would worry
Went portal hopping, I'll be back as soon as I can

I made sure ot leave the door unlocked.. in case someone would be looking for me.. Which I doubted highly

I stepped into the milky whiteness and all of a sudden it felt like I was on a water slide.. I was going down.. down down.. the next thing I knew I was looking at the outside of the temple before I blacked out

Chow for the moment..

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Stuck in a conundrum

Well after my visit with the publisher this morning I have super fablous news.. Cycle of Time is the most anticipated book for the Christmas season . Reclamation has hit the top 10 Coruscant list! Whoohoo! After I cahsed the check from the newest bunch of sales made from the first book
I headed downtown for shopping. I had nothing to wear for the Christmas party and I was in desprete need of a dress and yes.. more shoes.. Believe it or not.. I have quite the extensive shoe colection.

I took my speeder into the downtown shopping district dressed in my civvie clothes thankyou muchly.. . I doubtd even Anakin could've found me if he tried for a week I blended in that well . So here I was wandering through the shpping district looking for a dress when I stopped dead at the GryphorMoon shop. Holy Sith! The dress that was in the window.. It was beautiful! I headed inside and about 10 minutes later I exited with a box under one arm .. The dress was a perfect fit. Now for my accessories.. Namely shoes..

Soemthing like maybe four hours later and much hunting( hey I'm picky) I loaded up my speeder and headed back to the temple.. I made sure to pull the speeder right up underneath my window and dump everythign through there.. I didn't want Anakin or anyone asking how I had gotten the money for this expidition. Once I got back to my room I laid the dress out on the bed and smothered out any wrinkles. Lisette purred her approval and proceded to mark the dress as " her's"
I was about halfway into a laughing fit when my holomail went off. It was from the pulbisher saying they had scheduled an appearence for me a week from today.. I checked the calander SITH ! that was the night of the party! I emailed Dortherita back saying it couldn't be that night because I had a party to attend and it was unavoidable , I had to be there. Up til this point I have only done holoraido interviews and even then my voice was changed..Because I know for a fact Mace listens to the holo raido like a religion . I wanted to avoid any " parties " like the plague because once word got out I was a jedi knight.. my carrer as a writer would be tanked for sure. That was problem A. Problem B was that once it got out at the temple.. I would either have a train of fanboys following me everywhere, or worse.. I could be forbidden to continue my wirting.

I know and full well realize that keeping things hidden to oneself emotions speaking can lead to the darkside,but I found an outlet to let that go and actually confess it, through my charcters. it might seem childish and or foolish, but it works for me and that's the only thing I careabout. And besides , it's fun. Like when I am passing someone on a street corner and they are talking about one of the books. That's what I live for.. , that's my true reward to make people happy with my writing.. If I stopped having fun writing, I would stop writing alltogether... Close off the series and be done with it..

Though, even writing helps me let some things go, there are some times when it can make them worse.. I will not lie in that aspect. Some nights I cry myself to sleep because it pains me so much. As much as I give myself to the stories, they give back to me, wether it be in comfort , happiness , or pain; I can't say. it comes with the territory.

Well anyway I kind of got way off subject there, back to the shopping expidition.

I slipped the dress on and laced up the back before fiddling wiht my hair just a little til I found the perfect style for it, a slight french twist leaving some ogf my hair hanging at the back of my neck like a fan almost.. Next came the shoes which were all black with silver ribbinns threaded through them. Finally I slipped on the bracelet and looked at myself in the mirior. I didn't recgonize who that woman was that was standing there. It couldn't have been me.. this woman looked, dare I say it pretty? And that term I use loosely. She.. I mean I looked like a cross between a royal lady and a night creature.. The line between extreamly grey and blurry.

I made some notes as to what makeup I should use and then took everything back off and changed into my black pants and tanktop I needed to go to the training room to pratice , no saber or whip this time, the old fashioned weapons.

I was running through my bo staff kata, Shokon Nidan whenever Anakin made the mistake of comming up behind me and I accidently twacked him in the head.. " Oh Anakin I'm sorry!" I said running over to check on him. After him assuring me he was okay , I set my bo down and asked" Okay I know you wouldn't come down here without a sparring partner without a reason.. So spill what's up?"

" well.. " he looked around to make sure no one was listening and then asked me" You know I 've been kinda reading the Neatherrealm series and I was wondering if you knew when the next book was comming out?"

Folks let me tell you I nearly died of a heartattack right then and there.

Anakin actually read the book? Anakin reading period? Pinch me someone I'm dreaming.. but anywho

" Should be out in another week or so I heard the author met with the publisher a few days ago" okay so I was lying my face off here, it was to protect my own reputation what can I say?
He smiled " Good.. I wanted to get the next one the day it comes out and I was thinking of maybe getting Obi Wan the first one.. He seems to have read through the enitre library in his quaters.. Most of those books are falling apart he's read them so much. "

My eyes were as big as saucers and Catia snickered " Well seems like Anakin has you caught between a rock .. and a Jedi?" She's lucky she's already dead.. I could hear her laughter echoing in my head..

" um , yah sure, try the local B&N I hear they are having a midnight premire.. " I said while trying to regain some sense of bearing.. Thankfully, I NEVER went to midnight premires..general rule type deal.. good lord help me if those two become fans of the series.. This was not the kind of afternoon I was envisioning, not at all. Anakin left a minute or two later and I picked up my kamas spining them in my hands and went into one of the lower belt katas.

How is it my seemingly perfect afternoon comes down around my ears?

Oh before I forget, the above pictures are of the dress, and bracelet as well as my hair comb..
I think I need an asprin, extra strength

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

An afternoon demonstration and preparations for Christmas..

It started snowing after lunch , which is a rare occurnce in itself here on Coruscant. So after a com message from Master Draling, I headed out into the snow covered yard for today's lesson. Yusuke waited for me as did Hiei and Kurama. I looked to Master Draling as he began to speak to the class.

" Today's lesson will be about combat in the elements. Many of you will be sent to inhospitable planets and might be forced to resort to battle to get yourselves out of any number of situations . Against any number of opponents. Now Knight Deimos and her freinds have kindly agreed to help me in my demonstration. She will have her lightsaber, vibroblade, and her lightsaber whip to defend against three opponents. It is higly doubtful you will be so fortuante, but after all this is only a demonstration."

Turning to us he said " I ask you keep in mind this fight is not for real, and exibit some control.You may begin"

No sooner than the words had left his lips, we were all four in motion.Hiei had drawn his katana and was attacking from one side, Yusuke had powered up the spirit punch, and Kurama had his rosewhip out. I took out Yusuke first with a kick to the gut as I raised my own whip to rip through Kurama's. then finally with my other hand I reached for my lightsaber and brought it up, tangeling with Hiei's attack, Sword of the darkness flame.

Kurama stepped back from the fight for a moment, his eyes were flickering.. Oh force if that meant what I thought it did.. I saw Yusuke comming back for me and I ducked and twisted his arm around and pushed him away before turning to face Hiei.he had ripped off his bandana that covered the Jagan eye and I could see.. he was starting to change.
I backed up.. only to have a pair of strong arms wrap around my middle and lift me off the ground.. " Yoko let me down!" I yelled, seeing that indeed , it was Yoko now.. Not Suichi.. " Sith.. "
Muttering under my breath I began to form a quick plan of escape.. If Anakin saw this humilating turn of events.. good giref he'd never let me live it down.. Smiling Ireached up and rubbed the tip of Yoko's ear.. As I expected, he purred and his eyes fell shut before his arms slackened and I kicked him in the chest sending him flying across the lawn.
I brought my saber up to face a fully transformed Hiei. Out of the corner of my one eye I could see Yusuke getting up . his hair was getting longer and tatoos were comming over his face.. Uh oh.. his first form as a battle demon.. I hoped Master Draling would call it here soon because if Yusuke got really mad, there could be some serious collaterial damage.

The next thing I knew I had made a serious mistake.. I had taken my eyes off of Hiei. I was flying through the air and hit the snow with a rather loud thud and there was a small crater sized hole where I had landed .I got up , though a tad stiffly . I climbed out of the hole and in a double attack, I snagged Hiei with the first of the whip tendrils and grabbed Yusuke with the other. I gave a hard yank and both landed on their backsides in the snow.
" Enough!" Master Draling boomed. I stopped and after returning my weapons to their proper places I bowed respectfully motioning for those of them who could still walk to do the same.

" That was quite the demonstration Phobia.. You may go.. Will your freinds be around? I would like to have them demonstrate for some of my more advanced classes, and possibly for the Christmas party.. that was quite the show."
As Hiei walked past he turned to Master Draling and said" hn, that was no show.. anyone else would've been beaten soundly. "

I wanted to smack him so badly for his lack of manners, but .. that was Hiei.. I could hear Yusuke's com going off . " Excuse me Master.. I do not know if that will be possible.. They might be departing . Koenma needs them back there soon"
He nodded understandlingly and turned to address his class as I listened to the todler whining and screaming about something..

After calling Yusuke an incompitent and dundering fool, I snapped and grabbed the com off of him . For the next three minutes I proceeded ot tell that brat what excactly I thought of him in huttenese, using quite a few choice words that would've gotten me into trouble with the council and made Yusuke sit back on his heels laughing his rear end off. . I snorted and finished with" And if you EVER come up with any of that crap again, I WILL come to the Rekai and knock your sorry pathetic babfied rear end from this dimenshion to several others, Makai NOT included!" I threw the com up in the air and sliced in half with my saber. " Shut off the other one Kurama.. the baby can stew in his own bed for a while as far as I care"

Hiei out and out laughed at that and Kurama smirked . I turned and headed back indoors out of the freezing cold that was starting to take a toll on my body. The second I was back in the temple I hunted down a cup of coffee with plenty of sugar and creamer.. Anakin can't figure out how I can drink the stuff, but I love it for some odd reason.
I was soundly bundled up in my robe by Kurama who when I asked why he was being so nice all of a sudden said" anyonewho can make Koenma shut up in the middle of a tirade by calling him no less than 26 diffrent names in huttenese, and some demonic.. deserves to carted to somewhat. "

Had I used some demonic? I had lost track .. I don't get that mad often.. When I do I tend to use demonic.. It's a cross of old Galeic and Drow, the language of the dark elves.. Sighing I took my coffee and headed to thearchives to see if the book I was after was back in.. Yess! The Statship flight chronicles were in! I checked out the whole set and headed back to my room and set them on my desk before I pulled out a datapad I had specifically labeled.

You see.. At one point I had written a book called " Reclmation" it was a fairytale about a princess with a lost kingdom and her fight to reclaim it and the losses she suffers .. It never really sold big but it was enough to give me some substantial pocket change, enough to redo my room and keep Lisette fed and give her toys etc..
It's fun really and now I was currently working on the second one of the series.. "Cycle of Time."
I have to admit I wonder if anyone in the temple reads these..

The younglings aren't allowed to read them for many reasons which I won't go into to not spoil the plotline.needless to say only older padawans and the knights and or masters were allowed in the section my book was in.. Let me say for lack of any social experience I make up for in imagnation.. I have not told a soul I write, not even Anakin.. The monogram I use is P.A .D which meant ;Phobia Auruora Deimos Heck I 'm willing to bet half the world thinks it's Senetor Amidala.... Which I find funny really.
I have a sneaking suspicion Yoda might have an idea though .. He seems to be giving me more and more time off lately and alos encourages me to write.. I swear if he does know and tells ANYONE I will die..

I read through the last scene I had written , and then got up and turned on my saber. The best way to know if you are writing a good fight scene is if you act it out yourself. I made a couple of passes and then sat down and turned off my saber reaching for my data pad. I continued my writing. So far I had written about 290 pages. That was maybe about half of the new book. Something like an hour later I set down the pad, having written about 100 or so more pages. I write fast what can I say?

I got up and after feeding Lisette I headed out the door to the dining hall for some much needed food. I happen to glance at a calander on the way down.. The temple christmas party was less than a week or so away.. I needed a new dress! Which meant heading into the Coruscant shopping district to find one, but even before that I had to finish the book and drop the manuscript at the publisher's place..

Right after dinner I was back at work, writing feversihly into the night. I couldn't stop writing once I sat down.. When I finally ended the book. It was 5 am.. The publisher opened at 8 .. I think I pretty darn near fell onto the bed and was out cold.. I could worry about the manuscript later.. I probably wouldn't have heard my com if it would have went off..

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Good Karma.. I love it..

So the next afternoon after my knighting and where do I find myself? Down in the tech area tinkering with god knew only what.. I tend to do this from time to time. I end up creating something highly irregular without even thinking about it. usually it's soemthing like a new driod for the younglings or whatever. but today, it was something new, exciting, diffrent..I could pratically feel the energy crackling through my fingers as I worked..

I don't know if I am the only one who feels this way when I work with tools. Maybe Anakin does too, I have never asked to be honest. When I work my focus narrows to what I am working on nothing more. So it's no suprise one of the younglings had managed to sneak into the tech lab and when I looked up , she was sitting on a stool watching me work.

I blinked once, then twice.. The girl was pratically a spitting image of me when I was small . I set down the hilt of .. something. I could tell it was no ordinary lightsaber. I went over and knelt down by the stool " What's your name sweetie?" I asked her.. She didn't have a padawan braid, so my guess was she wasn't more than 5 or so.. " I'm Mara.. Whats you dowin?" she asked pointing to the hilt I had left sitting on the table. I tilted my head to one side to look at her then replied" Really .. I don't know.. I build things like this here.. I don't know what this is going to become yet"

She crawled down off of the stool and went to the table and picked up the hilt before I could stop her. I was about to yank it out of her hand with the force whenever she said " It's gonnwa be a whip" My jaw dropped and I was about to say something whenever Master Draling came into the lab and shook his head seeing Mara" There you are!' he exclaimed scooping Mara up . " You've worried Master Caspian sick! You know not to wander off "

Once they had left I went back to my work. About maybe an hour later it was finished. Just like Mara said it was a whip . A lightsaber whip.. Huh who'da thought humm? I did some cleaning up and then headed to the training room. Thankfully no one was around . Once the whip was activated,I had to admit it was a thing of beauty. It didn't have just one tendril, it had 3. 2 blue and one green. It pratically hummed in my hands. I made a few expermintal passes with it and found out it fit me perfectly.

I was so absorbed with what I was doing I didn't hear the training door open. I turned just as Yusuke came in , a training saber in his hands. Without speaking we were moving in a mock battle. The snap and hiss ofthe tendrils of the whip longside the green saber blade was all I heard as we moved about the training room. The grin on Yusuke's face told me we were being watched. I didn't care much . We kept moving seemlessly, each of us reading the other's moves. Seemless.. We were moving positively seemlessly all over the training room. I guess you could call it battle poetry.

I didn't even need my saber whenever I disarmed Yusuke with a flick of my wrist and had the training saber at his throat and kicked his feet from under him. He nodded in surrender and grinned up at me with a laugh" you're stronger than I remember sis" he said as I helped him to his feet . " By the way.. congratulations on your knighthood. We wanted to be there, but Obi Wan was insistent we wern't present. He wanted it to be a suprise. "
I had to say I was plesently suprised.

I turned to find out we were surrounded by a crowd of younglings and the temple swordmaster Cin Draling. He was beaming from ear to ear . He pulled Yusuke and I aside and asked us if we could do a demonstration later that afternon for his sparring class. I agreed immeditly giving Yusuke a look that spelled death with sharp pointy fangs if he didn't agree.

He did and at the moment I am walking on clouds. It is an honor to be asked to put on a demonstration for Master Draling and I told Yusuke as such. He said he was going to go talk to Hiei and see if he will sit in on the class as well. This should prove to be an intresting afternoon. I can see it a 4 way fight between us.. Something the temple will never forget . I just have to remind them that no spirit energy allowed unless it is to form weapons.

I'm pratically bouncing on my heels as I am going to get prepared for this afternoon then lunch. I can't believe it.. First I get knighted then this??? So far I am on a up spiral , and I want to keep it that way.

Oh I found a note under my door and a flyer thing for a photoshoot.. I will take a better look at that later.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I could've never dreamed..

I guess I am going to be heading out out of here tomorrow. My master seems, more depressed than I do really.. I can't quite put my finger on it.. It's almost as if she were fading .. I have mulled over much and my stay in the infirmiry has helped me come to terms with what has happened. I didn't really go looking for trouble, trouble found me as it often does. it shook me to my core.. I don't know how or why but I am prepared to face whatever decision the council has for me.

The next evening, maybe about 9 o'clock-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't believe it.. This happened so fast.. Earlier today I was called before the council. My master was standing there, a a mixed look of sorrow and pride on her face. I looked hesitently to Obi Wan. He didn't give me the slightest inclination what was about to happen. My master bade me kneel before her and then she spoke, in a calm unwavering voice, but behind It I could see she was crying.
"I have made a grievous error which you will have to repent for in all of your days. You remember those words I spoke to you sometime ago . That anytime you make a mistake you must take care of it on your own. You were a faithful padawan and lived up to my every expectation and beyond my child. Now it is time for me to let you go. It is with the greatest pleasure and honor I have in saying this to you. "
My breath stilled in my throat. What in all skies name was going to happen? Did I dare even have an inkling.. A tweak in the force that.. I was about to be knighted?

Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy.Jedi use their powers to defend and protect, never to attack others.Jedi respect all life, in any form.Jedi serve others rather than ruling over them, for the good of the galaxy.Jedi seek to improve themselves through knowledge and training. So therefore be you without fear in the face of your enemies.
Be you brave and upright that the Presence may love thee.
Speak the truth always,
even if it leads to your death.
Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.
That is your oath and your bond.

The blue blade sliced away my padawan braid with a quick flick of her wrist . " Rise my daughter, my padawan, today begins the first day of the rest of your life" Tears were barely choked back as I stood on shaky knees to accept the new shinging silver lightsaber from my master's hands.
As the cool metal touched my fingers my master.. she.. she vanished like smoke.. It came as no suprise to me, for she had forwarned me of such an event occuring whenever I should be knighted. It was the way of her people to pass into the summerland when their time was done. Master Para knew it for sometime now. i kneeled respectfully before the council as I got the bawling out I so richly deserved probably in most's opinion, but I bit my tongue and kept silent.

The first thing I was going to do as a newly knighted jedi is work myself to reigning in my temper as best I could.. It would be slow going believe me, but jedi get better through training right? So that's what I would do.. But first it was time to celebrate a little bit.. But first.. I fingered the chip that dangled at my neck.. I turned over what it could mean in my head a thousand times over .. I couldn't figure out a thing. as much confort as the thing gave me, which was weird in itself... I knew I had to turn it over to Obi Wan to see if the council knew what it meant. So I sealed it up in an envlope along with a scribbled note and left it where Obi Wan would find it..

When I finally got back to my room, it was like walking into a new house all over again. I never expected to see this place ever after that night. I dropped my bag in the doorway and like a 3 year old took a running leap onto the bed... I was giggling like an idiot and didn't give a crap much.. Either the stress was finally making me crack, or this was how all jedi felt right after they got knighted.. I made a mental note to ask Anakin about that.. But for now... I flipped on the SonarStation 3 it was time to kill some winglies in speeders.. heh

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Always something else

I''ve been up for a little while and walking around the infirmary. I'm still not allowed to leave the infirmary or go out to the gardens.. but maybe with a little cajoling that might be changed..
I can't bloody believe it.. they actually let me out of here for a half an hour to take a walk in the gardens below.. I suspect someone is probably keeping an eye on me so I don't run off, but who cares? I'm feeling too depressed to do much of anything. I just started doing kata out of habbit and in a few minutes I was sweating like I had run a marathon and near collapse.

I just sat there, staring ahead into space as my heart rate calmed down and returned to normal . The sun was sinking behind the trees and I could feel a tweak in the force.. A questioning like my own.. On a further bit of inspection I found out it was Anakin.. reaching out to him I left a small message in his head "You care who goes missing and why because this is your home, we are your family. Before you try to save the world. Save yourself from the darkness that haunts you anakin. Then you can save others. Before you can run you must walk, and before you must walk you must learn to crawl."

I don't know where that came from but I knew it was the soundest adivce I could give to Anakin at the moment. My mind and heart were in shambles. I was questioning every good deed I had done, everything I had known and loved. The wind howeled through the trees and blew my hair in front of me.. It had begun to rain and my hair was dripping onto the white robe I was wearing. Dark by now but I really didn't give a damn. I heard a familiar voice and looked up but wasn't believing what I was seeing.. Obi Wan was standing there.. but it wasn't him.. I don't know how to describe it.. it was like a hologram.. The errie blue glow kept me enraptured as the message played.
"If you are hearing this message then there is still hope. Go to the temple archives and look up the name , Ivan Holderin. Please.. We need your help.. I need your help. Phobia.. you are our last hope.. I will be near you always. Think about what - Obi Wan said, he is making sense. I know you are hurting.. You need to learn to trust and not be afriad to ask for help I"

Suddenly the image cut out and I fell to my knees gathering the little chip that seemed to be there into my hands. I didn't get in the slightest what was going on. I wanted some sleep more than anything. A part of me wanted to keep this quiet but I knew it wasn't the best idea. I would go to someone once I was feeling well enough.

As soon as I was back up in the healer's ward there stood Anakin a scowl on his face. Maybe that had something to do with the fact I look like a drowned womp rat. He didn't have the judgemental look on his face thank the force.. But still , the stress I could see the stress was getting to him . " Have you lost your mind entirely going out in this mess?" he asks handing me over to the healers . Once I was re cleaned, dressings changed , dried off, and a new robe put on me and put back to bed, Anakin came over to sit with me.. I am grateful for the company.. I swear if they keep me here another week I will go insane.

There was something he wanted to tell me.. I could see it .. " You know it isn't that I judge Pho.. force knows I can't.. I'd be a hypocrite if I did.. but I have to tell you.. when I read that letter.. I thought for sure I had lost you.. Obi Wan might not show it, but believe me he cares too .. you gave everyone a huge scare there.. I've lost so many people, I don't want to loose you too.. " he looked .. well .. human..

I reached up and gave him a one armed hug. " you won't Anakin. Believe me. .I am damn near impossible to kill . Between you, Obi Wan and Catia.. " I tapped my temple with one finger " It's bloody near impossible to hurt me.. But you know good and well, anyone raises a saber against you and I will have your back in a flash, chosen one or not, we are all only human. It's better to have freinds at your back than fighting alone"

We sat in companionable silence for a while before his com beeped and he left saying he would try to make it back as soonas he could once things died down. I made him promise to think about what I had said. Force knows I almost died to save them and I will be damned by the sith if I let the very darkness that haunts him take him from us while it is in my power to help.. It felt good to be able to something nice to help ease someone's mind.. Downside? I was alone again.. just great.. well back to my puzzles and books I guess.. they won't even let me have my Sonarstation 3 in here.. stupid healers..

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Suprises and the first of many lectures( Catia's POV)

It's done and over.. It was a miracle we survived now that I look back on the whole affair. My recovery was slow but I am back up to speed much faster than Phobia but now there are other contentions. Like the whole cyber eye thing. That was unavoidable and I kept Phobia unconcious while Kurama worked on her. It was a messy site

The next few days were slow going. She and I were both happy Lisette was around again. the whole conversation with Obi Wan messed her up badly.. She was confused about what to think and rightfully so. If my suspcions are correct however she is in a time of transition and will soon have what she needs. Master Para came to see her today.. Phobia was a total mess, she cried her heart out . Gods I wish I had a body! But when she settled for asking me a few things I repsonded with the absoulete truth.

If she HAD gone to the council 11 years prior she would have been in disgrance and they would have thrown her out. A good deal of the council have forgotten what is like to have tolerance and understanding. When someone comes to you seeking help, they should not have to be worried about being turned out of the only home they have known.

That was and is Phobia's greatest fear. She is a good and kind girl.. She does not make trouble except for the usual occasion. And she fears getting turned out by the council for a mistake that was over her head to correct? Gods this is why I hate the council like I do..

Anyway, the recovery for her is slow and painful.. She needs to take one step at a time otherwise she will make it worse, even now she is being diffucult .. I guess I will have make her take it easy.

Til Later Au Voir: Catia Ravenstone

Suprises and the first of many lectures.....

When I woke again Anakin had brought Lisette to the hospital wing.. Force I didn't know what to say , but I was so happy to see her. We played all afternoon before I had to settle down for some sleep. While I was scrubbing off the dirt on my face I made a shocking discovery.. I lost my right eye in the fight.. The new one I had was cybernetic.. But looked excactly the same.. no doubt with some help from Anakin.. but anyway..

I knew the lectures were comming that much was bovious. Now that I thought about it., I felt like a complete and utter fool for doing what I did, but my motives were true and pure. I was not seeking self glory or wanting to be a hero.

I only wanted to protect those I cared for from something I had caused. I guess you could call it cleaning up your own mistakes. Maybe if I had said something to the council about what happened that day 11 years ago they would have been able to help me and this would not have happened.

" they would not have helped you" Catia whispered. " You would have been thrown out in disgrace"

" how do you know that?" I asked.. I didn't know what to think or who to trust right now..

" I have seen it, and so has Hiei.. You did what needed to be done, pure and simple"

" But I feel like a fool.. I should not have.."

" No do not blame yourself.. if anyone this is my fault alone. If I had been stronger he would not have been alive. I had the chance to kill him , but my jedi training interfeared. Because of it.. you had to suffer"

I remained silent.. We were both right.

No sooner than I had said that Obi Wan walked up.. Oh great, just what I needed I felt low enough as it were. I'm grateful Lisette was gone for the moment. I didn't want her to see me like this..

When I looked up to see him, I was close to tears.

" I know what your going to say... " my voice cracked . I'd be damned if I was going to cry in front of him.

"do you?" he asked me, comming to sit in the empty chair nexxt to me" The counsel is most displeased with your latest actions"

I found my courage and strength before I spoke" I had to go.. " the look on his face made me loose all courage I had jsut gained. I would have prefered if he would've just yelled at me.. There are two people I cannot bear to dissapoint. Master Paradox and Obi Wan . I had dissapointed Obi Wan, greatly.. I could see it in his eyes.

I listened quietly to what he had to say, I wanted to say something but I could not. His last words caught my attention " Kick me out?" At this point I was so messed up I couldn't think straight.

He rose from his chair" think about what I have said"

I nodded " I will" my throat tightened. What was I supposed to do? When he left I broke down into tears and pounded my pillow. Maybe I was better off in the Rekai, not in the order. But I could not leave where I was now. " Doesn't he get it? I did this to protect them! I can't let people get killed because of my own screw ups and that's what would have happened! "

Now I really knew how Anakin felt. We are more alike than I care to admit at times.. there are days when I swear I could be his sister. I wanted to.. I wanted to.. to be able to find soem peace, to be able to go ahead with my life and not look back. " You will" a familiar voice spoke from behind me

I looked up. My eye was blurry and puffed from crying and my hair was a mess. There was Master Para. I tried to get out of bed to go to her but I fell getting my still wobbly feet tangled in the sheets. She helped me back to bed and held me as I cried. " Shh.. " she whispered" I know why you did what you did. But Master Kenobi is right.. This must stop. " She gently held me by the shoulders" you scared the life out of me child. I feared you dead"

" I'm sorry.. I'm sorry " I stammered unable to say anything else..

She hugged me and made me lay back in the mroe than comfortable sheets. " Sleep now padawan.. I need to speak with the council . It seems that some of them are being old stuffed shirts.. The only one that even remotly understands is Master Kenobi..

He was brought onto the council at the juncture of 2 eras.. Let me help you.. do not be too ashamed or proud to ask for help.. that is one of your weaknesses. Overcome that and you will become one of the greeatest jedi ever.. This I can tell you for certain"

I nodded and she left.. Lisette climbed up onto my lap and still.. I cried until I fell asleep. I knew they were all right, but I was so damn confused as to how I felt.. How could I tell them in a way they would understand??


My return from the pits of hell itself

The rain was comming down in pounding sheets. I could barely see my hand in front of my face. The mud was clinging to me and I could hear the rain squishing in my boots. The mud mixed with the rain and blood making me look even worse than I already was. Catching reflections of myself in the puddles of water, frankly I was shocked at my own apparence. I didn't recgonize myself

I could barely walk . I didn't know how I was alive much less back home. Harusame is dead. that is the important fact. I beheaded him in one stroke . It's over and done. Even now I still think I should be back in spirit world with the others. Somehow I found the strength to pull through. Catia and I both are alive, and the monster is dead.

That is what matters. When I touched down on Coruscant, tears flowing once again. They stung the massive burns and scrapes all over me.. When I glanced in the mirior I nearly threw up . It was worse than I thought. Half of my face was swollen from the punches and kicks I had sustained. My jaw was broken on one side and one eye is so mangled I didn't know if I will ever see out of it again.

That's just the tip of the iceberg about the injuries but I'll get into that more later. I could feel Anakin's force signature as well as Obi Wan's in the council room. I stumbled to the door. I truthfully didn't know how much farther I could walk. I carried a bag attached to my belt. One of my legs was completly useless, it had been busted into about 7 or 8 pieces.

The whole council was there.. damn.. I looked to Anakin as he tried to rise from where he was seated. He was using a hover crutch to get around, cant' say I blame him. Obi Wan got up to try and help me but I was so far gone I didn't realize it at that point. I took the bag off of my belt and tossed it to the floor. The tarp unfurlled to reveal th head of Harusame, his demonic green eyes still open in shock.

"He's dead.. this time . .there is no doubt.. " I stammered before falling to my knees and screaming in absoulete agony. Both kneecaps were like eggshells when you drop them off a building. Obi Wan caught me by one side and .. I felt a familiar set of hands on my other arm, I turned to look.. How in all hells? " Yu..yusuke? " Surely I was dead .. I had to be.. and there was.. "Hiei? Kurama?"

It was then I blacked out utterly.

The next thing I remember I woke in the healer's ward. Anakin was on one side of my bed and Yusuke was on the other. I tried to sit up but my body screamed in protest. I settled for leaning up a tad .. " how.. how long have I been out for?" I asked.. I knew I would have to face the council. I wanted to be prepared for the worst.

Yusuke moved some of my hair back from my face" you've been out cold for almost 2 weeks. When they brought you back Kurama stitched you up best he could then we used reki to heal your internal injuries Then they dunked you in bacta for a week. You've been in bed here for about a week or so. You gave us all one hell of a scare sis" He said hugging me carefully with one arm. I was still rather jumpy but hugged him back best I could. Right now I hurt so freakin much but I knew it was only the begining of it.

Anakin chuckled a bit" Relax.. I know for one thing they aren't going to expel you. That took guts.. and speaking of what the hell were you thinking? " he asked me, leveling the look on me that I KNEW he had to have picked up from Obi Wan. I mean after so many times getting glared at yuorself.. you have to learn how to do it. The ticked and stressed look in his eyes telling me that I was in for a long afternoon.

I propped myself up on my elbow, gritting my teeth agaisnt the feel of the sheet fibers in my still healing skin. " Look . I will tell you right now point blank.. I hated myself for not going in after you when the building blew up. Jedi or not, you are my brother Anakin. I understnad you can protect yourself, so don't even start with me on that whole speel. Fact is I will not let you get hurt if it is in my power to stop it. That goes for any and everyone who I care for" I finished casting a glance over at Yusuke. He clamed up real quick.

I looked at Anakin after a moment, still amazed at my own bite and fire in my words. I am not usually one to speak thusly. He was shocked, flabbergasted even. He didn't know what to say, his jaw hung open slightly" You ought to close your mouth Ani you're catching flies." I said with a smirk .

Master Para had not come to see me yet and I wondered why, but then Yusuke grabbed Anakin by the back of the tunics and tugged him out and shut the doors saying I needed some sleep. Yeah I did, but I know that look .. something was up and I wasn't being told. I hate being lied to did I tell you that? I was hurting however and badly, so I decided to take some rest. I knew that

I would be poked and prodded at like a lab animal. Kurama would need to use the healing plants to stitch up my wounds. Those things hurt like the devil. I had them used on me before, but they would speed up my healing

Okay full count of my injuries, both ankles sprained, both knee caps shattered,, left leg completly busted, upper tiba on my right leg broken, left thigh was ripped open, nearly gutted like a trout, collapsed lung, half my face swelled, broken collarbone and arm, and one eye mangled. Oh .. also three broken ribs. Like I said.. Long road to recovery. Very long

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A parting and preaparation for battle

Truthfully it seemed like an age and a half before we got back. It was late, really late. Once excused I made my leave, tears forming in my eyes, but I would not let anyone see them. I knew that I probably would never see Anakin and Obi Wan again. I don't know why that bothered me.. I mean I had died once right? I knew what to expect, It's just that I guess.. I didn't want to be shuffled around to somehwere else.. But it was inveatable. I would die defending those I cared for like family, and damn my own feelings.

I was exhausted when we came back from the mission. I headed to my room and found Lisette who was curled up on my bed fast asleep . I picked her up and sat down where she had been resting on my Amy Brown sheets. I held her close and my shoulders wracked with sobs. I would miss her so much, she was my darling, my angel and my treasure. For the briefist of moments I considered placing a poison capsule in her food. The death would be quick and painless. But as quick as that idea entered my head I banished it. It would be selfish of me to take her life from her when she had done nothing wrong just because I was walking to my death.

I cried and cried until I had no tears left. She looked up at me and licked a tear from the tip of my nose. I giggled a bit and then set her down on her feet as I went around my room checking things and setting the appropriate things out for whoever would enter my room first. You know, no one has seen the inside of my room now that I think of it.. But it doesn't matter now..I set out a small travel pack and placed a few things in it, in case I should be detained. I would burn it before I reached the moon belt.

Once I was sure everything was in place , I sat at my desk and by lamplight I wrote a letter to Anakin, my freind and brother. If anyone, surely he would understand why I must do this. No one except for Catia and I stood even a remote chance against this monster. I didn't want them to get messed up in this.. I cannot stand by and see the few people who I have come to love as family fight and die for an impossible task. I must do this alone. The letter was as follows;

Dear Anakin,
When you read this I will be long gone. I am heading to the Andromeda moon belt to stop a creature of unimaginable strength and power. His name is Harusame. If you look in the archives you will see him entered back in the Old Sith Repbulic Era. He still lives, as does the sith apprentice who became the terror of the galaxy, Catia Ravenstone.

How I got into the middle of this starts about 11 years ago when I first came to the temple. You know that I came from a background that was less than pleasent. After I was brought to the temple I was put on probation by the council. You were about 10 or 11 I think.. I headed out into the field behind the temple to meditate. I was nervous who wouldn't be?
I found a heavy chest in the woods covered by vines.. I managed to open the chest. Inside there was a red cup, a book, a ring, a dagger, and a crystal about the size of my fist. Being of a curious nature I opened the book.

That was my ultimite mistake. You see the spirit of Catia Ravenstone was fused with the book. Whoever opened the book after she died, their soul would be forever intiwned with her's. I was that person.

In truth I found out after a time Catia was not really a bad woman, she used to be a jedi once. This brings me to Harusame. When Catia had been in training to be a padawan she was captured along with 16 other Jedi.. She alone was kept alive and Harusame broke her. Eventually she became a Sith Lady and finally after seemingly getting rid of Harusame, became sith empress and terrorized the galaxy. Harusame is powerful beyond belief. Not even you would be able to stand against him. Catia's powers have tripled every year since she died. She has been dead over something like 600 years to her last count.

We found out he was still alive whenever we went on this mission. Catia sensed him . He is the one who is sheltering Sidious and Dooku. I did not want to leave all of you like this. but I have kept this secret for so long and it is up to me to put a stop to this. If you feel you must go to the council then do so.. I will give my all to stop him. There is only one thing I beg of you. Please take care of Lisette. She should be in my room. She is my angel and my treasure. She was and is my world. I humbly beg forgiveness from all who I am hurting by doing this. For your own sakes , do not follow. I don't want you to get hurt... If the page seems blotchy it is because I am crying while I am writing this.

May the force be with you my brother
Phobia Deimos

Wiping the remaining tears from my face I sealed up the envlope and threw on my robe. Making sure Lisette had enough food I exited my apartment for the last time and locked the door ,leaving a slip of paper nearby with the override code.

With my head ducked low I made my way through the temple halls, my hood pulled up to avoid anyone seeing my face. I made my way to Anakin's room and quietly slipped the envlope under the door, taking off at a run through the empty hall , my feet soundless on the stone floor. I got to the garage without detection and unlocked my fighter. I used the cargo compartment to put my speeder in the back I would need it. The moon belt was a series of tiny planets. I made all the final checks to my fighter and took off before anyone could stop me. The big clock in the hall donged 3 am. It would be hours before anyone knew I was gone . By then it'd be too late for them to stop me.

As I left the planet I gazed back over the blue ball that was Coruscant. I knew in my gut that chances were very slim that I'd never see it again.I was doing this because it was my duty to do so. I was doing this in an attempt to protect those who I held dear. I was doing it...In a startling moment of clarity I realizied it was my destiny....

We have come to Terms
Phobia Deimos

Stage 12 (Catia's POV)

The energy thrummed stronger and stronger like the dangerous melody of a vampire playing a piano.I could feel my own power increasing by leaps.Phobia could tell something big was up " I know, I feel it too be ready

All of a sudden she was not there anymore then she was there. A scream was ripped from her throat and she tried to make a run for the warehouse. I seized control of her body and held her back. She fought me like a demon as she struggled to reach Anakin and Obi Wan. Adana was assisting by holding her back physically.In one huge fireball the warehouse went up .

My heart stilled for a moment. Had Harusame just killed 2 more jedi? I could feel the energy humming in the air using us as a conduit. Phobia could feel their force signatures. Thank the force that bastard's treachery would not reach these two.I didn't hear or see much else untill we got to the otherside of the warehouse.

I saw the damage had been done to Anakin and my anger rose, feeding the already dangerous power level thrumming through her body.Frankly I was amazed she hadn't been ripped apart by the power as it were. She was questioning herself about things she could've done diffrently. It upset me to be honest. she had done what she had been ordered to do and what anyone in her place would have done. I was proud of her.

She suprises me more and more every day. It pains me more and more she has to be drug through the mud about all of this crap. What can I do? yeah it' s unusal for a sith to care.. you don't like it? well I don't give a damn.I heard something about healing plants But then I gently reminded her that they would have been burned up in the explosion. She was not happy about this. She was shivering as she got her first look at Anakin. The poor dear .

It only served to spike my anger.. Was I becoming .. good again? Nah.. neverShe released a good deal of her Reki to ease Anakin and Obi Wan's pain. I would have joined her , but my anger was so far gone even I could barely control it. I did open myself up to her so she could take as much energy from me as I needed.Images of select pain and tortures too inhumane to describe ran through my head. I had been subject to all of them at one time or another. in a way I was glad when I had died.I had so many scars on my body, no man would 've paid me a second glance. I was exhausted both physically and mentally.

Right now I was primed and ready to go for battle. I had never wanted someone dead so badly in all my existance.As she leaned against the wall and could see her own reflection I was visible behind her. I was seeing darkest of dark red. My eyes were no longer blue but sith red. And for a moment, just for a moment, so were her's. This would end, in a castlysmic explosion of fire and brimstone.
Au Voir:Catia Ravenstone

Stage 9 (Catia's POV)

Once I had taken back control , the first thing I knew I had to do is get Phobia out of here.. Anakin was ripping the place apart;truthfully I was proud. My eyes turned to Obi Wan who was standing there watching the fight.. What in all Sith hells is he thinking? I could feel Phobia's fear for him as much as she triedto deny it.. I steered her away from the fight

" Look, Adana is nearby and if anakin keeps this up she could be in real danger, we need to get her outside and fast. "The ground rumbled under my feet at the sheer power being spent between the two. i agreed wiht Phobia, Adana did not need to see this brawl.I switched back with Phobia whenever we found her out in the hall. She was sitting there, seemingly watching something but there was nothing there. She jumped whenever Phobia called her name. She asked how she had ended up here.. Phobia sank down the wall next to her and told her rather short story of how she ended up embroiled in this. I could feel Phobia's anger at the fact she wasn't allowed to fight Dooku instead of Anakin..

A lot of things were running through her mind, anger, hurt, saddness, worry..All of a sudden Adana looked past Phobia and right at ME.. yes.. you heard me right, she looked right at me and asked her who that was behind her.. I could feel the jolt of panic running through her veins.. I was in shock myself but I stammered" Pho.. Phobia I think she can see me.. " I was amazed, and shocked all in one..I heard her ask Phobia if she was allright.. Phobia as always tried to change the subject.. It seems I taught her well.. She picked a good subject too Harusame...Apparently either the machiene had screwed with her brain so badly or Harusame had the gall to come here to do this.. Bastard.. Anakin's anger from the other room was feeding my own to exponential proportitions. I slammed a lid on it before Phobia noticed.. I didn't want her or Adana frightened of me..Phobia's muscles twitched restlessly .

She wanted to go back in and help so badly. I understood perfectly the torture she was going through. I had bore the same once.. I didn't want to remember but it came to the surface. I pushed my own memories aside and for once became the voice of reason.. heh"As much as you want to take on Dooku yourself, this is Anakin's fight, not yours. You go back in there now and take his place you will do Anakin more harm than good. Not only that you will humiliate him utterly. That is something he could not stand for. you would make a dangerous enemy. Wait, you will get your chance, I promise you this. But for now we need to focus on bigge and more dangerous adversaries"Whenever I heard Adana agree with me I shook my head.. Okay this was getting waay too freaky, even for me.I waited calmly as the implacations of what was comming settled on Phobia.. It scared her, but she was ready to face her fate. But .. she was questioning herself..

I had done the same once and look where I ended up.. this HAD to stop NOW!"I don't want to hear that question ever in your head again do you hear me? You are meant to be a jedi.. You follow your head more than you like.. You have a lot to learn but you are a jedi through and through. You want to protect Anakin and Obi Wan.. Jedi protect others, even their own.. Maybe.. Maybe If I had been more like you, things might have been a lot diffrent. Never dobut yourself Phobia, believe me.. even one time.. it will be your downfall."Phobia was a pure and kind soul. I regretted dragging her through this hell but I had no choice. but I would not let her drag herself through the mud.

Together we got Adana to her feet and headed outside.. The cold air recharged my nerves and put every sense on alert.. We got her settled into Pho's speeder. My eyes turned back to the building.. The battle would reach it's climaxx soon, it was going to be messy .. I knew we'd be needed then.. I could be patient.. I leaned against the speeder and waited patiently.
Til later
Au Voir Catia Ravenstone

Stage 6 (Catia's POV)

I followed the scream like a moth to the flame.. I glimpsed the machiene and felt a tightening just under my chest.. This thing was a monstrousity.. an absoulete terror.. I was proud.. in a sense.. do not ask me whyI reached out to scour the machiene for any weakness I could find..Besides cheap as hell wireing and really crappy metal.. I found nothing.. In the center though I found what was causing The force waves to be pulled from Adana..

If it were allowed to keep going for another five minutes she would be dead.. I can tell you this with a certainty.I could hear Phobia tell me to be careful not to try and take down the machiene with Adana still strapped to it.. One wrong move reven in a calm state could kill her.. the thing was too dangerous. When I saw the design of the machieneI growled and spat out in disgust" Just like him the machiene desgin is his"

It sickened me to the pit of my stomach.. I wondered what hellish invention he would cook up next once this one went down.. it WOULD go down.. even If I had to die to do it.I looked out over the room in general and saw a man moving.. I flipped across the room in one motion and pinned the guard to the wall in one motion.. It was a descendant of one of the guards who hauled me before Harusame.. But stil had the same temperment.. evil..

I grinned positively like the devil and my eyes shone with an orangish yellow tint.. I could feel the power rising in me , skyrocketing.. It was a heady mixture, power and anger.. and I was drunk on it like a fine wine.. i pinned the guard by the throat to the wall, and I could see the reflection of my eyes in his own, promises of pain and death." where IS he?" i snarled, the anger corusing headily through me.. oh.. the feel of it.. the pleasure of it.. it was almost too much.The man didn't say a word so I tightened my hand around his throat like a vice ..

I could hear the snap and crack of his trachea as it broke like a bunch of twigs under my grip..." I will only ask ONCE more.. WHERE IS HARUSAME?" I was pissed and would kill him if he gave me an excuse.. just one...He hesitated and then stammered" a-andromeda moon b-bel-l-t" He was wheezing and gasping like mad..Now we were getting somehwere.. " One last thing before you can go slithering back to whatever hellhole corner you came from.. the machiene.. shut it off NOW!"He was wheezing as he spoke.. a trait I find most annoying really.. " I can't only master Harusame has the code... " he said with a trimphunt sneer.I tossed the guard across the room like a cheap taudry rag doll . When he hit the floor I squeezed my hand into a fist and my power flared towardsthe guard.. I could feel the rupturing of the guard's heart and I shuddered in ectasy..

Oh to be able to kill again.. I won't lie when I say I miss it.. I do.. But not as much as I used to honestly..I heard Phobia ask me what I had doen to the man.. As I watched the blood run out of every opening of his upper body I replied simply" I ruptured his heart.. he would have only left here to hurt someone else.. you know this.." I sensed Phobia withdraw a bit and I sighed.. I'd never understand why she was so.. goodly..

Apaprently the closer we got to the machiene Phobia could feel excactly what powered the machiene.. in a way.. a sith holocron.. with the power cells.. it could only make the motors move with kinetic energy.. But the holocron was needed to give it the power of the sith.The more I dared think about it , the more my anger grew .. It grew to such a degree I was drunk on it.. truly and completly stone dead drunk. Dark waves rolled off of me with an ease.. I could hear the creak and groan of the metal of the warehouse as stones started tumbling from the roof.. Bolts shot all around the room like bullets loosed from a gun..

One struck my cheek .. I didn't flinch..I could hear Phobia screaming in my head.. something.. But truthfully I was too drunk on power to care.. but she can be persestant that one.. I was finally forced to listen.

." CATIA! CATIA! Listen to me! if you kill everyone here with your anger you will do his work for him! We need to face him head on and finish this!"Damn her.. she was right.. I could feel her clawing to get free and then what was like a loud snap.. she was back in control and I could think clearly again.. The effort had taken too much out of her.. damn me.. She tumbled from the top of a high crate to the floor.. I guided her into a protective ball which flattened like a pancake the second she hit the floor with a dull smack.. I tried to get loose agian but she was refusing me..Fine she wanted to play it that way...

I gathered my energy and forced it into her voice " It's powered by a sith holocron!"Her head fell forward and hit the floor.. She was dizzy and sick... I was better but my anger still simmered.. It was doubtful if she would be able to rise any time soon.. I would have to.. I began speaking softly to her.. apologizing for my grievous error and promising I would be more careful in the future unless we faced Harusame. She wearily agreed and I was permitted to take control again.. I pushed myself up and walked towards the door, pushing more of my power inward to help her.... This was going to end.. Tomorrow..


Til Later Au Voir: Catia Ravenstone

Stage 3 (Catia's POV)

It took me a few moments to get my senses alicmated to the climate.. After being dead for at least three hundred years, this is understandable.Three droidekas stood directly in our path. I gave a small , almost non existent flick of my wrist, pulling force power behind it. The droidswere a hulking pile of scrap and I kicked them out of the way" Cheap pieces of junk:" I said with a low growl..

The droidekas were easy.. But I knew my night ws only just starting.We advanced farther into the warehouse. I could hear the clank of the metal on the droids hinges as though my body were that of an android.I let the droids surround me, and I slipped into a straight fighting stance, saber extended.. you know the drill, basically modified form 3 .

I gathered every last cell of rage I had in me that was safe to summon and pushed it at the droids, throwing half against the nearby wall and half forwards towards the central wall.I was able to catch amy reflection in the mirior. I was back, and burning for vengance, my eyes oculd tell any sane person that. I have almost learned how to function as a jedi again you know, but there are some parts of me that will never be the same.Down another small pathway.

It was filled up by effing cheap metal.. " Dam stupid pieces of junk!" I yelled and disemebered them slowly.. But I made one crucial mistkae. One of the armor plates on the crappy droids flew off and was headed for a laser , undoubetedly which was a tripwire alarm.I tried to yank it to a stop, but hang it all I was a second too slow.. The alarm went off buzzing and screeching in my ears.. " Well they would have known sooner or later anyways" I said with a small shrug of my shoulders.We continued into the warehosue steadily.

Let me say it felt good to be able to fight again. I have missed it terribly. Even when I was a jedi, I loved sparring sessions. Now mind you I was not using even a 10th of my power now, but still.. Damn it felt so good to be free! the only thing that annoyed me to no end was I was not permitted to kill any of the humans.. She said the only one I may have free reign on is that self rightous, bastard Harusame.. Forgive my language here, but there is nothing less severe that I can think of that would describe him so accuretly.I understood why Phobia had put the clamp on me with the humans though. She wanted to earn Anakin and Obi Wan's trust, something she could not do if I killed every sepratist human guard in this palce. though no bloodshed annoyed me to no end, I respected her for her decision and abided by it .

We headed from section to section cleaning hosue on any and all droids who were present.. Now all that would be left is the front of the room.., which by my gueesess is where Anakin and Obi Wan would be headed here in a few, or somewhere around that area..I wasn't really payiing attention to much of anything except the slash and bang of the droids as they collapsed under my saber.Then I heard it.. a blood curdling , piercing scream. . My head snapped forward towards the sound as Phobia asked me the one question I did NOT want to hear..

" Do you think it's him?" she asked me.. I didn't really want to know.. but knew we'd have to find out.. " We'll see , as soon as we finish cleaning hosue here first. " I began letting loose bigger incriments of my power and I could feel her arms wern't accustomed to the strain. I heard some wisecrack remark and replied to her" It takes years of pratice my dear.. years..."
Au Voir: Catia Ravenstone

Some of my memories or one in particular

That is the demon who made me who I am now.. and the demon who will meet his death at my hands, this I swear on every fiber of my spirit that still remains.. To protect those Jedi still alive I will give my all.. he is the one thing that drives my rage, he and what he did.

Til Later au Voir: Catia Ravenstone

A chance to live Again

(CTD from last post)

Phobia stood shivering slightly, one boot resting against the brick wall her eyes on the warehouse. My senses were stretched out as well but I had instructed her to keep a small vibroblade tucked snugly under her arm out of sight. That way if someone tried to sneak up on us, I had showed her how to turn so it would be buried between the 3rd and fourth rib, causing extreme pain if not death on contact.

Before I could even react( hey I was acutally relaxing for once here) Phobia was drug into the back alley. A momentary glimmer and I saw who it was, that punk rapper wanna be Skywalker.He might be the chosen one, but this is why I say I don't believe in prophicies. Anakin is prime proof.Phobia was just about to bury the vibroblade in his ribs when she too realizied who it was. Frankly myself I was getting tired of waiting for them.

I trusted Phobia to the point that all she needed was a little push from me and she could move like lightning. She had snapped many necks in the past and I knew she was preapred to snap more if nesscary, but for now...I heard Skywalker's comment and I snarled" prissy little nerdy braid.. I 'd put him flat on his back if given a second.. "She shushed me as we listened to the plan. Neither of us were happy about it, but I was up for some fun. Anakin acutally had the gall to tell her to calm down now or else she could go home? God.. If I could just get out!!I let ut a breath through my teeth and began my ritual of mentally pacing to try and relieve stress I heard a whisper" I'm going to let you take control.. They don't trust me enough and besides this is your fight, not mine"

The last part of Anakin's plan.. I had to hand it to him.. he was looking out for Pho.. but I could take Dooku if nesscary. I only prayed that Harusame was not at the warehouse. If he was.. This fight would be mine and mine alone.. I could not let Anakin and Obi Wan get involved, no matter what the cost. That beast should have been put down a long time ago, he would be soon enough.We sliupped into the warehouse and Phobia knelt behind a crate . I gently pushed her conciousness to the back of our head and I came forward. I felt every last little thing.. I felt so.. alive.. I nodded birefly in response to her statement and began pulling my power to me .. the phoenix shall rise and all shall tremble in fear.. My favroite quote, and it was about to come true. I grinned.

TBC: till Later Au Voir Catia Ravenstone

The past returns to haunt me

Whenever we hit the floor the first thing I realizied was that we were in two speerate bodies. But my attention was quickly pulled from this as I suddenly recgonized the room we were in. I sraightened slightly, and gazed ahead though my stomach felt like someone had poured hydrogen into it. Being in this room again , it , quite simply to say froze my blood.I remember where I was, chained in the shadows awaiting my turn before the great slayer. I had prayed for death on numerous occasions before this.

I had a slave's collar around my neck and my hands and feet were shackled . The other jedi were lined up before him, on their hands and knees awaiting death. Why couldn't I have been with them? I would have gladly welcomed death rather than what lay in store for me.I looked over at Phobia who seemed transfixed by the whole scene. She wanted to find out who he was, well she wouldfind out, a killer and a monster who should've been put down a long time ago, that bastard. I listened as he told them of their so called charges and how he would eridacate all jedi.

I remember thinkingthat so long as one good llight shines in the universe that the jedi order would never be extinguished .The sword started to glow.. that horrid swing, blood everywhere, mass murder is what it was..He stepped back up to his throne and then motioned for me to be brought forward.. My limbs shook with terror as my mind recalled what was to come next. This day I was forever stripped of any right to be a jedi.. I will tell you now I am no longer pure and never have been since that day. I remember pulling his diary which sat on the terrace to Phobia's feet and then we were gone from that acursed place.

We were back in the templeI prayed, I begged silently for her not to ask me, but her kind heart would not allow her not to.." I.. Please don't ask me .. I don't want to talk about it.. just know he made me what I am now.. He must die for what he has done.. what he will do.. he will attack the temple, his dream has not been realizied.. now that he knows I am alive he might try to use you for the machiene"She still didn't get it.. poor girl" Look he would use you to get to me, in his own twisted way he loved me . I reached heights of power and fame he could never and he was forever jealous of me.

"Damn him to hell for what he did to me. Damn him for escaping the death he so richly deserved.I will kill him this time, no matter what. No one will stop me not even the force itself.Her comlink went off and in a few moments we were on our way downtown.She asked me if I knew it wasa trap.. Hello I'm Darth Freakin Ravenstone for god's sake!"do i look like I was born yesterday? Of coruse I know that this lead is probably a trap.. If anything the diary will tell us more"I knew it would have invaluable information in it, most importantly a weakness.As we rode up to the warehouse I told myself we both would follow the plan, but I would take the head of any sepratist who dared stop me.. either that or make their heart burst and their brain pour out their ears.. but we will see


Till Later everyone Au Voir: Catia Ravenstone

What I used to look like

Yes believe it or not that's me.. When I was still alive. No drooling and FYI, even though I am somehwere over 600 years old( you loose count when in limbo) I could run rings around most of you today. Normally I am in the form of a transparent ghost like form when I am not inhabiting Pho's body

Til later Au Voir:Catia Ravenstone

A Peek into the past, explaining the present and looking into the future

Hello , good day and salutations fellow bloggers. My name is Catia Ravenstone... Some call me Darth Ravenstone.. marauder.. etc etc.. I could go on for hours, but I will not bore you with the details. Currently I reside inside of another for I am dead.I died January 22nd in the year 5,600 BBY . in my day I was all powerful, all knowing. Feared by most of the galaxy and loved by those whom had won my freindship,which might I say were few. Terror of the galaxy I put planets into ruin wiht a single word from my lips.. but now all of that has changed.How I survived you ask? Well in the weeks preceeding my death I worked with two artifacts.. The Chaliceof life .. and a book which I myself created

Well somehow my spirit managed to become infused with said artifacts and whenever I died I was cast into limbo. For some odd 300 years I was there.. more porbably but I lost count. I waited and watched .Many things chnaged from my time and whenever those artifacts were found again. I was freed. But not in the way I had wanted.A yonug Jedi padawan by the name of Phobia Deimos had stumbled across my things.In doing so she freed me , and my spirit was infused within her body.

We are inseprable, if they should try to seprate us it would kill her,literally. I used to be the most feared woman in the galaxy but three hundred years in limbo changes a person. No longer did I want to eridacate planets with a single order, no longer did I want to be evil.. I just wanted to cause mischief galore... And whenever I was freed I got my chance....My first target , Anakin Skywalker.. supposedly the chosen one who would bring balance to the force.. A long time ago I learned not to believe in prophices and the like because they went to your head, as in Anakin's case, making him a prime target for pranks, all untracable... I have more targets to acquire however, my host will not let me get up to too much trouble , which is no fun.

There is one person who makes up for that however.. That would be Jedi master and council member Obi wan Kenobi... My dear darling host .. well for intrests of semi privacy o her, let us say she admires him greatly okay? *eyes flash* and I won't go any farther on that subject...And all I have to say about him is.. *mew* hottness.... not even back then did we have men who looked tht good... that's why I stayed single thankyoumuchly.Okay and whoever reads that part.. don't go jumping all over Phobia, not her fault okay? goodIn the comming days I will be giving you my point of view on many of Phobia's adventures, and speak of some things she does not even know of.. until then

Au VoirCatia Ravenstone

Monday, November 20, 2006

Stage 12

My eyes watched the warehouse as I could feel the darkside energy getting stronger and stronger. I knew something big was about to happen " I know I feel it too , something is wrong:" Catia whispered All of a sudden I wasn't otuside the warehouse, I could see what was going on. I saw Dooku reaching for the deationator. I think I screamed but I'm not sure. I started running for the warehouse but Adana grabbed me by the shoulder to hold me back. " Let me go! " I yelled over the explosion even as I errected a barrier around us to protect us from the flying sharpnel. I struggled against both Adana and Catia holding me back. "ANAKIN! OBI WAN! " I screamed, my voice hoarse.

Energy pumped through me heightening every sense and ability. I had never felt so alive. My very midichlorians hummed with the energy . I moved towards the warehouse as if in a trance,. They were alive thank the force. I dialed in a number ot get a transport ship down here pronto. The speeders wouldn't be of any use in this case. I had no sooner done that whenever my com beeped again. I answered wearily. I was shaking from shock but I brought my body under control " Phobia where are you and Adana?"

" Comming your way master. I got a transport ship in route to us. " As he hung up I guided Adana to a sitting position and closed my eyes . My stomach felt sick and there were things happening that I couldn't really explain. Both spirit and force energy pumped through me , reachign dangerous levels. I moved away from Adana for a moment to calm myself. I didn't need everyone worrying about me next. There was enough hell and gore here right now.
We heard the ship comming in and I pulled Adana up and we made our way over to Obi Wan and Anakin. I choked back a sob.

Damn my stupid consience for not going in to help him sooner! I should've stopped him, weather he would've hated me for the rest of his life or not. I could've stopped Dooku from blowing the warehouse and I didn't.. I gently placed Adana down next to Obi Wan. I made my way over to Anakin . I didn't trust my voice at the moment so I remained silent. I wondered if maybe I should've brought some of the healing plants wiht me, plants that could heal quicker. They were in a small bag in my speeder.. or rather were. They had been burned to a crisp.

Thousands of things raced through my mind in those few moments of what I could have done diffrently. My voice shook visibly as I moved a matted lock of hair back away from Anakin's forehead . " .. I .. I never thought I would see him like this.. " I whispered. I hardly recgonized my own voice. Of it's own will my spirit energy reached out to Anakin to ease his pain .It was barely visiable to anyone who was not trained to see Spirit Energy.

I didn't know if Obi Wan could see it and frankly I didn't give a damn. Expanding my senses and abilities I used my energy to dampen both of their pain. I could sense Obi Wan had been hurt as well. I didn't dare try to heal them on my own. I knew how dangerous it could be if I tried while I was in this state of mind. I could do more harm than good. I remembered Suichi's teachings of healing with Reki.
I began reciting an old mantra" Water runs through the cove, fluid yet unstopable, a force of nature. Hell hath no fury like the raging rapids" Over and over I repeated this rhetoric then the code.

I heard the transport coming and I relaxed. I did all I dared do for now. As the others were helped aboard and I slid down the wall, my eyes dull and listless. I could tell because I was staring at my own reflection. I could see Catia behind me. Her eyes were no longer blue. They were sith red. She was out for blood. The scary fact was, so was I .

Saturday, November 18, 2006

An interlude and a hidden truth

I guess I should start back at the begining.. The VERY begining. You see I have already died once. A very long time past my name then was Arista Draconis Dethran. I used to be a Jedi Knight even then.. How I ended up with the same profession in two lives is beyond me. This is something I have kept from even Catia.

I remember whenever I was very small, I used to have dreams about my past life. You see, whenever I lived out on the street I went to a seer. Her name simply put was Mosieda.She never gave me anny other name.

She took me through a series of , well inner explarations. Basically I would sit in a meditative stance and breathe in a sweet smelling smoke and she would be able to tell me things I had never told anyone.. After a time she finally discovered who I was. The day the goons from Offworld came, she died. That day I met Yusuke.

He has been like a brother to me, still is to be honest. I not only met him, but Kurama ,Hiei and Kuwabara. In a nutshell to catagorize it, Kurama is much like Obi Wan, Hiei and Yusuke are a lot like Anakin. Hiei is like Anakin's sith side. Yusuke is a lot like Anakin period. I miss them a lot.

You see I almost did not become a padawan. The people who they work for are very pwoerful in their own right and I was offered a position by Yusuke on the Spirit Dectective Squad. But Koenma .. bloody todler , said that I couldn't take the position and instead was shipped off here.
But I am guessing you are wondering this: if you died before how can you be alive and remember now?

Well let me answer your question.

You see the day I was to be shipped off to the Jedi Temple, the SDS acompinied me to the portal, but one of their long time enemies was waiting there. His name was Sensui and he was a powerful A class demon. Now this wasn't good in the slightest i can tlel you and the guys had one heck of a fight on their hands. Sensui wanted to use the portal to unleash various assorted nasties on the galaxy.

Where did this leave me you ask? With no spirit energy and only the force to help me? Ah well that's where you'd be mistaken. With extensive training from Genaki I possess both spirit energy and the force. . It can be a task at times let me tell you.

Well Hiei was all for making a fast run for the portal and having me jump through. Once I was in the portal it would shut down on their side, leaving Sensui with no way to get his demons through. But, I knew that even together they did not stand a shot against Sensui without help. If there is one thing that applies to both my past and present lives it's this; I won't leave someone in danger, don't care who it is.

So we fought together, and yes we overcame Sensui. But at a cost. you see Yusuke was gravely injured . He was going to die and I knew it. So I did the only thing my consience bade me to do.

I gave him every last ounce of my life force that I had left. I had been weakened by the battle myself . I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I did. The next thing I remembered was waking up in Koenma's office. Didn't I tell you? koenma is the son of King Yamma: that's the ruler of the Spirit World, or as i call it, the Rekai. Koenma aid that for my efforts in helping defeat Sensui and saving Yusuke's life, I would be given my life back but I had to start anew and remember everything bit by bit.

So he sent me to the very galaxy I had sacrificed my life trying to protect, I was renamed and most of my memories were either taken away or blocked. the ones that were blocked came back with time. About how I knew the SDS etc.. Some still haven't come back, and others Yusuke has filled in for me. Like how I got entangled with the SDS in the first place before this..
I had been sent on a mission by the council to assist the Prince of the Rekai. I think it was security detail or something. I really don't care much how it happened I'm just glad it happened.

This might seem REALLY confusing to everyone, and I know it even confuses me at times when I try to explain it. All I can say is time runs diffrent in the Rekai then it does here in this galaxy. That's another reason why I haven't attempted to contct Yusuke. There is part of me that is scared of what I might find. I don't want to try and contact him only to find out that he has been thrown in limbo and the others are dead or something.. well you follow. I think the best timeline I can give you is this.. and even this is a rough estimiate.

1 Rekai year= 62 Galaxy years

So if I were to leave here now for a short vacation in the Rekai I might as well say goodbye to what I know because when I come back, most of it would be gone. Sad isn't it? So I stay here and defend what I have come to call home, though my heart aches to see my freinds again. that's part of the reason why I am such a withdrawn person. A lot of it is well.. that's entirely for another time, place and entry