Confusion, Mishaps, and the call of the Siren

For three days now I have done nothing but run tothe fresher and sleep.. My stomach cannot hold anything down, and I am weak enough to the point I can't even hold up my saber in both hands.. It feels like a lead brick. But if there is one good thing about being sick, it gives one time to think.


Early this afternoon I had a lit candle sitting by the Grimorie, and the window was open. A very stupid mistake on my part, but the Grimorie caught fire. Now you might be saying it's just a book right? No it's not just a book as I found out. When it caught alight, I .. I began to fade..

My spirit was leaving my body and my force signature was fading quickly. I thought I wwas going to ie, for real this tiem. But it seems fate had other plans in store for me because before too muchdamage was done, the wind from the open window snuffed out the fire.

Also.. I have tried to deny the call I feel tried oh so very hard.. But It becomes stronger with each passing day, more diffucut to resist. A part of me wishes I would have never went through the portal.


But yet another part of me wonders if I should go and never return. A taste of happiness, no matter how small can be a powerful thing. as more time passes a deeper feeling of dread fills me. I am comming to realize that i might have to do the one thing I would never have dreamed in a million years I would have to do.Force forgive me he is my brother and my freind and I fear that no matter how much love and freindship we offer him, it won't be enough.

I have never backed down from a battle. Not once in my life. Though I know and realize if I must become a reaper, I will not survive it.But if I die I die with honor, knowing that maybe with my death will save some lives.. Even if I only save one, then I will not have died in vain.I will leave the datapad out on the ledge of my room for him. I know the truth though I would give anything for it not to be so.

Not only have I been given a chance to think on those matters, but something a bit more pressing than Lord Vader. I know someone drugged my drink. And it was a powerful drug at that.


Only someone either brave, foolish, or desprete would dare try that with a Jedi. I ran through a list of possibilities.. Anakin knew better, besides.. He would know he would be raked over the coals by Master Kenobi if he dared.

I managed to do a bit of background searching before I became ill. I found out I have a half brother Omega... He is not force sensative.. It seems I inheraited that, but he can call up ghosts.


That does prove intresting since that would explain why I didn't feel any force signature at the cantina. He is a sith, and not like Catia. Evil through and through. He had attacked the temple once before when I was out on a mission. He had rigged a bomb somewhere inside to go off. But he forgot to think ahead. Master Yoda used the force to crush the bomb and Omega was taken into custody.

It suddenly rang clear as crystal. It had to have been. It was Omega who drugged my drink, but the question was why?A million reasons ran through my head each unlikely as the next. To be honest I wished Anakin was back..He was one of the few people who would sit and listen.. and maybe even believe..


I didn't want the past dragging me back into it's grip.. I wanted the chance to be free and move forward. I never looked for trouble, trouble always found me.. Can I help it if I have the uncanny ability to piece things together?

Kriss was missing, and there was no point in trying to talk to Obi Wan, he would just tear down my argument with logic.. i was backed into a corner with pratically no way out. that was the funny thing..


When I was in the future.. I felt Kriss.. It was an echo but it was there. It never occured to me until the other night. Force I am as confused as connfused can get. Two paths are open to me, only one is the right one. And yes .. the thought occured to me to burn the grimorie and take both of us with it..


That is still a possibility, but only as a last choice. If it comes down to either killing him, or burn the grimorie.. I will burn the book. i do not think it is in me to kill the one man who has become like a brother to me.. That may seem selfish, but I cannot do it.

If this is weakness, then I am weak. But if given the chance.. I have 3 words to say to Vader.. " I forgive you"

Chow for the moment
Phobia