A wolf in sheep's clothing or is it?

It's late evening, 3 days after I got back from Korriban. The momma dog who I have named" Odyssia" or Odi for short is resting comfortably in her next with her pups. They are all allright and Belda is asleep quietly in the other room . For some reason I cannot sleep. A restless has taken hold of my mind and I cannot even meditate it is so bad. I pace from one end of the sitting area to the other, my hands behind my back trying to calm my racing nerves. I look at the crono on the wall. 3 AM.. why can't I seem to sleep?

All of a sudden there is a soft knock at my door.

Puzzled I throw on a fluffy robe over my cream silk nightgown before I answer the door. There stands Mace Windu and he seems rather.. nervous.. " Master Windu, what's the matter? it's past 3!" He's sweating slightly as he replies" It's a matter of utmost importance.. May I come in?" I invite him inside and gesture for him to take a seat, a finger pressed to my lips to indicate we should be quiet because of the little ones.


He took a seat on the couch and I headed over barefoot to thechair across from him. " I know it would be important for you to come.. what's wrong? you can tell me .. " He looks up at me , a fixed stare, a bold one. I can hear Catia angrily trying to break free. She does not trust him, never has. " Phobia.. I .. " his voice breaks.. " I care for you , more than I should.. In fact.. I love you.. I always have."

I stared open mouthed at him. what was he saying? The wind seemed to whistle through my ears and my heart pounding drowned out all conversation. Gasps left my mouth and my throat tightened. Mace love me? NO! the man was incapable of love, he never let anyone close to him ever! I saw him kneeling before me, taking my hands in his. I at last found my voice" Love me? you lie!"

He let me go and fell back apparently hurt. " I am a Jedi , I do not lie"

My eyes hardened and I rose from my chair" You DO lie I see it in your eyes. You only think you are in love with me. you are in love with a dead woman.. You love Depa! You only think to use me as a replacement! I know you never got over loosing her Mace, but this is not the way."
His voice was hard as steel" you sound EXCACTLY like him.. you know that?"
Heart was kicking madly in my chest. I did not want to betray any emotion for fear he would run to the council and it would be over right then, so I played dumb" Why whoever do you mean Mace?"

A stormy look crossed his features" Obi Wan.. I see the looks Phobia, don't play coy.. I know you love him.."


I could feel lightning gathering around my right hand, Mace was about to be a dead Jedi if he did not stop this.

He continued" Kenobi is a fool! He would have to be blind not to see how lucky he is! You are a beautiful woman, intellegent, loving, kind and loyal. Why he cannot see that is beyond me, but please give me a chance?"

I shook my head" If you were truthful I would, but you have lied to me thus far. you love a woman who is in another words dead. I will not play a replacement. "

" Replacement? I love you damnit! why can't you see? I always have!. Ever since you came here!"

Vocies were rising, but I was so angry I did not care " where were you whenever I needed someone to turn to? Someone who knew the darkness and could have helped me? Sitting on your damn council chair that's where! You didn't give a hutt underbelly what happened to me you nerf herder! you have no right to come in here and lay sweet lies at my feet whenever I have sturggled and scraped for every piece, every honor, everything I have made."


My heart was pounding so loud it was like a drum. Tears blinded my eyes but I would not give him the plesure of seeing them. I blinked them away I caught my reflection in the window. My eyes were no longer the soft brown they usually were. They were red.. sith red. All of my rage gathered into a spearhead and before I could stop myself I found my voice rising to a scream loud enough to wake the dead.


" Don't you DARE come here and try and tell me you speak the truth. You are a liar and the lowest piece of filth Mace Windu. Go back to where you were. I will bow to no one. I know why the council will not make a master! It is because I am too powerful! you fear me! Well you espically have damn good reason to fear me. I warn you now, cross my path again and it will NOT be pretty now GET OUT!"

Lightning was gathering until things started gathering around me. Mace's eyes grew wide and he stumbled backwards fumbling for the door.I was hurt, damn hurt. I knew all it would take is for Mace to say one word to Yoda and I would be out of the order. but I would not live in fear of him or anyone. I had fought too long , too hard to let someone trample on me now. Mace turned and ran out the door, scared. I could feel he was scared.. and I didn't care in fact I enjoyed it.. every last second of it.

The moment the door slammed Belda came out of her room in her pj's with her blanket . She was crying bitterly. I immeditly regretted raising my voice to Mace. I should have known better. I knelt down and ruffled her hair slightly. " I'm sorry about all of the noise Belda.. the ah.. " Force how was I going to explain screaming at a council member?

I just hugged her tightly, trying to hold back a tornado of tears and broken sobs that threatened to escape me. She wouldn't understand what was going on, nor did I expect her to. I wondered briefly if anyone else had heard the argument.. I doubted it considering the VERY obscure location of my room .I reached for a hankcherief and wiped away her tears. " shh It's okay.. " I whispered pulling her close as i got to my feet and took a seat where Mace had bee not five minutes beofre

" Master? are you okay? what happened? I heard shouting.. ". I barely noticed my eyes were back to normal, but I didn't feel like they were. I couldn't let her get involved in this . I shook my head" it's okay, let's go check on the pups and the mother, then you need to get back to bed "

Nodding, we checked on the pups, they were all okay.


It took me nearly an hour and a half to get her back to sleep. I told her at least three stories , and by the third she had dropped off to sleep , her small hand in mine. Every time I tried to get up, she refused to let me go. Finally about 430 or 5 in the morning she let my hand go and rolled over in her sleep. I gestured for Lisette to keep a watch on her. Leaving the door open I padded to the sitting area, the emotional damn I had constructd about to burst

I went over to the cushioned window ledge. I shrugged the robe off my shoulders and force help me I broke into a million tiny pieces. I cried until tears wouldn't come anymore. My red puffy eyes met the crono.. It was now almost 6.. I had to be up at 7.. Sighing I tucked my knees under me, pulled my robe up for a blanket and went to sleep.. for a little while, maybe sleep could ease the new troubles on my mind.. Though I did feel like I was being watched..
Til later
Pho