Fading into grey

I wanted to rest so badly but there was work to be done. And I'm of the type I won't take a moment off if there are pressing issues. Right now there were two matters that demanded my immediate attention.

Catia and Marasha.

So the next morning I was up early before Godfrey even was and I was down in the archives. I had a holo map of the planets in front of me little red dots glowing where Catia had been that I knew of and blue dots where Marasha had struck as well.I sat there for hours staring at the map, pacing, trying to find a pattern. I pulled books on old sith symbols, even dating back so far to the founding of Coruscant. There HAD to be something here!

My eyes zoned in and out while I started getting frustrated . Why couldn't I see it?? Time was running out and it would be my fault if Catia or Marasha killed again. There was no hope for Catia this I knew from 10 odd years of experience. Marasha though...

I could save.

I sensed it in her, the only reason why she turned to Catia is she had no one, much like at one time Belda had no one. But because when she was ressurected she wa imbued with evil .. If I saved her I would kill her mortal body but I would set her soul free, beyond Catia's reach.I heard my spirit whispering while I was in meditation.. She told me how to do it, she showed me how to save her, with soul fire.
Now I just had to find her. The longer Marasha was out there the more and more she was falling beyond my reach.

I heard Godfrey behind me, a low growl meeting my ears. " I can't rest, not now.. She's shown me the path.. I can save Marasha. You know I would show the same devotion if it were Belda or one of my own children"
He caught my wrist, eyes flashing dangerously" You won't HAVE any children if you keep this pace up! Phobia you're wearing yourself thin! You've got to slow down, you're scaring me.. " I tried to slip away from him, to not look anywhere but in his eyes. I could see the hurt and the pain, and it made me hate myself for what I was all the more.
He caught my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him " I will help you Phobia, just ask me, you know I 'd do anything for you. But I'm begging you, slow down before you kill yourself, before you kill our children"

That did it, I couldn't take anymore. I broke down crying in his arms.

I didn't care who saw me, who'd ask questions and who wouldn't.He let me rest against him while we headed back to the couch in the archives. " I don't hate you for wanting to help. I couldn't. That's one of the many things that made me fall in love with you in th e first place. But listen, I can take your burden as well if I need to. I'll just find someone to teach my classes for a few days. We can do this, together. Don't shut me out Pho.. please.. Force I want to be here for you.. for them"

He stared up at the map while one hand rested on my stomach. Today I was four months along. Pretty soon I was going to have to go into hiding as it were,only leaving my apartment at night and then only if nesscary. He was right, I needed to slow down.

He stood for a moment and walked to the map" I know this symbol, its of the Royal House of Corellia.. The old Sith Repbulic, you know what it looks like today.. "
I nodded eyes wide" Of course! I don't know why I didn't see it before! " I turned and threw my arms around him" Now this means if there's three points left in the symbol, then.. "

I traced the symbol in the air with my figner tips" There's three places they haven't hit. Alderann and Naboo are in the path of the lineup. As is Geonosis.. " I scribbled a list of the planets in the path of the last three points. I shivered as I remembered very clearly the day the clone wars started.I was with the 212 along with my master in the arena where Obi Wan ,Anakin and Padme were sentanced to death.

Mace had given me an important task, namely because Anakin and I had worked so well together. A high powered sniper blaster in my hand I was stretched up flat against the roof of the arena, taking careful aim at the top link of the chain that held Anakin. I raised my blaster just as Mace raised his hand in preparation to the Jedi who were hiding . I saw something just as I was about to fire. It was Dooku, his back turned, saber at his side. I could've shot him then. Put the war to an end.But in my minds eye I saw the pain of the force, the dead bodies of Anakin and Obi Wan.. The pain in my own heart too much to bear. It ripped at me like a wolf. So as much as I knew how many lives would be lost, I lifted the blaster and took dead center aim at Anakin's chain. As the shot echoed through the air I remember closing my eyes and a few tears falling. With that one shot I had sent over 150 Jedi to their deaths.

In a way I still hate myself for making that decision. What right did I have to decide who lived and who died that day?

We both left the archives and I headed back to my rooms . I was exhausted and pratically fell onto the bed. I curled up and fell asleep, not even bothering with my boots.
I woke to Godfrey shaking me. " I got clearence from Mace and Yoda. We're to check every planet in the sector that falls under the pinpoint line.. But we're posing as civillans.. or in our case.. Time to step back into the political ring.." He sighed exapsperently and ran his hand through his hair. " We just have to be careful.. and we 'll report to the council bi weekly. Hurry and get packed. Our transport leaves in a half hour." He left me to pack.

I was ready to go in 5 and met him down in the entrance hall.Our lightsabers were tucked safely away in a safety holster( mine under my dress) and his neatly tucked away under his shirt.We were met by Mace at the landing pad

" Go and find her quickly. We all know how dangerous Marasha is alone, coupled with her sith master .. I don't want to think on it.. May the force be with you both"

We boarded the ship quickly and I set the coordinates for Alderann. Godfrey comed Bail to let him know what was going on . After that we could do nothing but wait. I sunk to the couch on the ship.I couldn't even form 2 words before I was fast asleep.. I was really getting sick of sleeping all the time, that and having to cover half the galaxy looking for those pests.

She was loose because of me

And I was going to shut her back where she belonged. In limbo, for good.

No matter how long it took. But you can't blame a woman for being sick and tired of space travel.Can you?

TBC