Musings

Bedrest sucks.. I'll be totally frank here, it really does.i was going stircrazy from all the inactivity. Godfrey barely let me walk around the apartment without help though I felt prfectly capable of kicking a sith lord's rear end from here to Tatooine.but the rest did give me a chance to reflect back on Utapau as to what I had missed, where I had failed.

Firstly, I had gotten too flashy. Grievous had taken advantage of it and used it to his advantage. A rookie mistake, one I couldn't afford to make a second time. Not only that, a new thought occured to me, one that turned the very blood in my body to ice. Grievous was fueld by someone and it wasn't Sidious. Nor was it Dooku. Compared to the source that fueled Grievous, Sidious and Dooku together were insignifacant insects. The source of darkness, I knew as well as myself.

The one who fueled Grievous' rage.. it was Catia. I don't know how when or why, but the signature was unmistakable.A darkside aura hung around one place in the city.. An old place called the Works.. It was like a miasma of sorts.. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it truly was. It was shifting and changing with each passing day, growing stronger and stronger.

Another thing I had noted.. Now this was porbably nothing much of noteworthiness, but I am one for detail. the fw times I have visited Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's office, not only was the darkside aura so thick it ws like ink, but the wholeplace was bedecked in red and black. Sith colors. Not only that there were statues and busts of gods and goddesses of disguise and deception all over the place. The office pratically screamed" SITH LORD" at the top of it's lungs to any addlebrained moron.

Then there was the matter of my padawan. Maybe Catia had been right whenever she said she was too smart for her own good sometimes. She had been asking questions about the twins already. I did not like lying to my own apprentice, but it was better that she not know the truth until I had no other choice.She was wondering what star system they would be born on and from how long from now would they arrive?

Definitly too smart for her own good.

But this little bit of the truth I could not deny her" They are the children of the rulers of the
Corellian system. They feel it is better that they be brought to the temple to be trained. Espically with the war raging. It is in a way safer for them here."

Thank the force she asked no more questions.

I swear if Godfrey props one more pillow under my feet I will tear every sithspit pillow to shreads! I love Godfrey dearly I really really do, but this driving me totally , completly, and utterly CRAZY!
Til Later

"Check" but not checkmate

Back and forth we fought over the highest leve of the sinkhole planet.The fight seemed to wage for hours, Godfrey an I were as good as Anakin and Obi Wan as a team.The general was tiring I could tell . But then it happened.

He shoved Godfrey over the cliff.

I thought my heart would stop then and there but I could feel him very much alive over our bond. He was fine and told me to keep going while he found a way to suprise Grievous and end this.

So there I was facing down against the leader of the driod army .I kept my style simple. Soresu with a little bit of Vaapad and Ataru . That was my mistake.

With Godfrey missing Belda had leapt into the fight. I could see the general pushing her back towards the cliff. I stepped between , but not before she landed a good blow above his chest plate and took a hand off.I took the second one.

Grievous pushed me back into the far corner of the hangar and I was forced to flip over his head and out of the way.

He had entended one of his remaining two arms and used the lightsaber to sever my spine.

My body dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes and Grievous advanced on me, his eyes speaking death. Well great this sucked.. I was about to be murdered by some scrap heap and I couldn't even defend myself.


As Grievous brought the saber down for the killing blow a teal saber blocked his strike and there was Belda, trying with all her might to save me." Master! Run!" she shouted. The thing was

I couldn't move a muscle excpet my head

I blinked and my head turned and I saw Godfrey drop down and jam his lightsaber into the general's stomach, green bile spewing everywhere.His eyes.. something had changed.. Nothing like that had I ever seen before .. his eyes were those of a dragon in his fury.

Grievous screamed in pain and then breaking from Godfrey and Belda he ran.

I slipped in and out of conciousness. I could feel the force tugging at me, wanting me back in it's embrace. But I was too stubbroun to give up. I saw Godfrey kneeling over me with a worried look" How bad is it?"

" The bastard cut my spine in two, what the hell do you think? " I normally don't get snippy with people but right then my whole body was on fire.. Like I had been tossed into a lava pit ." I don't know how long I have Godfrey.. please, just hold me for now?"

He was crying, or more like trying not to as he pulled me close.Belda's face was a study of misery as she knelt on my other side" Master.. I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough.. "
This was not acceptable. " Belda.. look at me please"

Her red blotchy eyes met mine" Listen, you did something most Jedi masters couldn't do. you took one of Grievous' hands .. None of the masters except Windu has ever been able to do that EVER. You have made me so very very proud today..I could not have asked for a better padawan. "I was crying now too. The tug of the force was becoming stronger and stronger by the moment

I can help you Phobia, do you trust me?

I rolled my eyes" Yeah right Catia, the only way you can help me is if you can make my spine whole again." I was in no mood for jokes.

I can but there is a risk.

Oh this I HAD to hear" Okay what?"

I can make your spine whole again. The risk is.. I might end up going darkside.. I have the same ability Plaeguis did. But I sealed those abilities away. Do you want me to? it will be hell"

I nodded" I have too much to loose.. Please Catia.. Help me"

The pain doubled 20 fold and I squeezed Godfrey's hand as wave after wave of pain ripped through my body shaking me to my core.It seemed to drag on for hours. I thought maybe death wouldn't be so bad after all, but something whispered at me that I could not die.. so many depended on me.. I saw that dream again.. and I knew if there was a chance.. I had to live for those children...

My eyes opened slwly and I could feel the rumble of a fighter under me. The pain was less now but it still hurt like a nightmare. " W..where are we ?"I asked him.

" We're nearing Coruscant. you still can't walk yet.. Your not fully healed but she repaired most of the damage. you need to see a healer"

I nodded briefly not inclined to argue with him at that moment.

We landed a little while later. After giving me over to the healers he headed off to report to the council Belda by his side.It hurt me moreso she had to see this but I knew the time was comming. What pissed me off is I got careless. I'm already paying for it now I wouldn't pay for it again with Belda's life. Never.

They ran test after test on me, and my spine was fully patched up. I was on strict bedrest for a week before I could get up and move.. Force help me..

Dollie came to see me" Pho I have some news.. "

" Yes Dol? I'm kinda tired.. but go ahead and tell me.. "

She smiled grnning from ear to ear in her excitement" Pho your pregnant! With twins! We ran a blood test and it came back positive!"

I shot up from where I was lying" WHAT?"

Dollie took hold of my shoulders" Phobia Deimos.. you are going to have twins.."

I fainted

Til Later
Pho

Arrival on Utapau and a faceoff with a General

Belda woke me about 5 hours later" Master.. look ! it's done and just in time.Master Godfrey said we're here"

After I had her test it out just to be sure it was working I instructed her to clip it to her belt and follow me

The planet of Utapu is one of a desolate landscape. Not my sort of place you understand, but I am sent where I am needed. I could not shake the feeling that something was going to happen, something bad. I had spoken to Godfrey at length about it and he managed to assuage my fears .The fighter had a cloaking device which was most helpful whenever we skidded to a stop and I gesutred for Godfrey to stay put while I went to speak with the Utapuian leader.

" What brings you here lady Jedi?" I smiled a bit. Simple and to the point, no politics no smoke and miror. I liked this man already.

"I'm afraid war does "

" There is no war here, unless you have brought it with you. Who are your companions?" he asked, gesturing to Godfrey who waited patiently by the fighter and Belda who stood quietly next to me

" My companion is a man of few words, one who trained with Sensei Porgan. We have been sent here in search of General Grievous. The one here with me is my apprentice Belda Pinik."

The Utapauian's eyes widened and he moved closer to me, his head blocking the view of others from the upper levels. " He is here!" he hissed" We are being held hostage! the 10th level, thousands of battle dorids!"

I only blinked once, showing him I understood" Well then it seems our search has been in vain. With your kind permission I should like some fuel for our fighter and to use your city as a base of operations"

Belda went to glance up but I used my free hand to make her keep focus Do not alert him or all is lost for these people Belda

She simply blinked Yes my master

He nodded " What shall we do?"

As I turned to make my way back I barely moved my lips as I spoke" if you have warriors, now is the time"

When I got back to the fighter I comed Commander Cody" we've made contact"

"We'll join you soon black leader, watch yourself hm?"

A ghost of a smile tugged my lips " You listen to Kenobi too much. Just get here.. We have a battle to win"

Cody saluted and the holoimage clicked out. I stripped off my brown robe and donned a black one. Godfrey did likewise, knowing the brown robes would make us stand out more than nesscary.

Finding the path was easy. it wound up and up and up. We both walked in silence for a time, the feeling of danger was stil screaming at my nerves but I crushed it like an eggshell.
We came to the fourth level whenever we saw Bogas.


Godfrey smiled and he walked forward , speaking to the stablehand. A few credits and he pulled me along with him Belda following at a quick pace close behind We walked down the line of Bogas until we came to one. It was sort of smallish but there was a pull in the force neither of us could deny.She pawed the ground nervously and I walked up patting her beak with a smile. " This one you think?" I asked him. In answer , he was already on her back a hand extended to me.


I joined him and boosted Belda between us as he made a little clicking sound behind his teeth and she took off up the hill with a lurch. No crop was needed, not really even the reigns. A grin crossed my face of some memories from recent days and I was forced to jerk my head out of my daydreaming when Godfrey cleared his throat.. " Pho.. now is not the time, believe me." His eyes shot to Belda and she looked at us questioningly. " nothing Belda.. bad joke"


I blushed when I realizied I had been projecting rather loudly.I hoped she hand't seen anything. . Finally on the ninth level we dismounted and I turned to the boga " Its time for you to go home girl" I patted her beak and she turned galloping down the hill.
I motioned to Godfrey and Belda.

Together we climbed the hill and hid ouselves in the hangar bay as we saw Grievous stalking up and down the lines of troops. A brief nod to each other and we dropped into the throng of battle droids sabers ignited as my eyes locked on Grievous.


" Why hello there General" a smirk crossed my lips and I wanted to laugh at the seemingly twisted hate on his metal face.Hate was so misplaced now a days.I had heard his story. He didn't need to hate us, who he needed to hate was the ones who caused the crash that made him loose everything and become a slave to the banking clan.


" A Jedi.. what do you know.. I had expected them to send someone of a more illustrious rank after me .. pity .. pity.. and a baby? is this the best the Jedi have to offer? "


To Belda's credit she didn't move a muscle or say a word. She has no idea how proud she made me just then


Godfrey's voice cut through the shadows" Then that should tell you something general.. you are a toy, a slave to the banking clan.. you are no longer important for the higher ups to worry about you."

Belda stood behind Godfrey,saber ignited, ready to attack if needed.

The general twisted to fix his eyes on us " Is that so eh? Well whenever they find your corpses in the space above coruscant then they will listen to us!"

In a howl of metal, he attacked.
Til Later
Pho

My Return to Coruscant and a new mission

I swear I have never been happier.We are on our way back to Coruscant in Godfrey's fighter.At current I'm finding myself snuggled against Godfrey with a holopad in my hands typing away. I won't go into too many details of after the wedding directly save to say I am one of the luckiest women on the face of this galaxy I feel something has changed , for both better and worse. I feel.. it's hard to describe but it's like a warm blanket over my chilled mind..

His eyes were fixed over the system of the five brothers as we departed. He worries about me, this I know for certain. just last night I woke screaming from a nightmare . It was the panther again twisting my dreams. I broke down crying in his arms, begging him to take my nightmares away. He held me tightly until I was able to calm down enough that I could go back to sleep. But I was awake again an hour later shaking madly.

It took some doing but I managed to slip out of bed and head to the fresher for some water. The mirror on the cabniet tempted me madly. I knew that just behind it lay the answer I sought to help me sleep without nightmares. I opened the cabniet and removed a few bottles of pills.I pulled out four of the blue ones, two red and one white.


It had started with pain releivers to help with my battle injuries and it just went downhill from there. now I was taking drug coctails just to be able to sleep. A dreamless, sound sleep. Where I could wake and not have my heart pumping in terror. I know it isn't the right way , not healthy but I am desprete for peace, to be able to have inner calm. Godfrey gives me everything he has, all of his support and love to get me through this, but I feel like I am smoke billowing and curling every which way.

Smoke that not even Godfrey can catch.I cling to him for support.. I love him dearly with all of my soul. I could not bear the thought of anything happening to him. He is my world, if anything happened to him I know I would pass into the force in a matter of moments.
I downed the pills and my feet swayed dangerously as I stumbled back to the cot he and I shared.I could catch the scent of his colonge as my head hit the pillow. I could hear his voice calling my name through a thick fog but it was just too much of a struggle as I scumbed to the darkness


When I woke the rubmle of the fighter had stopped and we were back. My head was pounding as I sat up and was promptly tackled by Belda" Master Deimos!" she was all smiles and laughs " Did the mission go as planned? Are you and Master Godfrey okay?" Nodding I headed for the council room. They had a new mission for me. Cin had told me as such on the way in. I knelt before the council as Godfrey gave the " mission report"

Nodding his approval Yoda turned to me" A new mission for you we have"
Mace flicked on a holoprojector and began to speak.


" General Grievous has been spotted near the Utapu system. Your instructions are to bring him back if possible, kill if you must. You leave in the morning."

I nodded and bowed before leaving.


So I would be chasing Grievous.. The information scrolling across my datapad told me Godfrey would be the only one acompying me. This mission was too dangerous for Belda to handle just yet. if she had been a few months older she would have been allowed to accompy me.This wouldn't do one bit. they HAD to quit babying her!. So after using up most of my sleep time arguing with Yoda, Windu and Kit fisto over it, they finally relented.

I headed back to my rooms, tired and in much need of a rest. But the pups were barking to be let out so I took them for a walk. they were getting to be big now and they needed to go to new homes. I would keep Odi unless someone offered to adopt her and in the meantime.. Force I neeeded sleep and I needed to prepare. .

I floated sets of clothes into a nearby bag and crashed in front of the couch watching the podraces. I only had a few hours then I was going to be sent out again. I'd need every wink of sleep I could get. Even if it was filled with nightmares.


Anakin had been sent off on a new mission as soon as he had come back. He had told me from a com message that no sooner than his fighter landed back at the temple his com had rang and it was the council. He would be back soon as he was able and* chuckles* he warned me to stay out of trouble.. Like he has to tell me.. But trouble finds me, I don't look for it. Simply put.


Morning came all too soon for me. We were taking a specially outfitted fighter with all the latest technology. My guess it was one of Anakin's new prototypes but no one on the council would admit it. Obi Wan is out on another mission as well somewhere here on Coruscant. That's all I know though I have a sneaking suspicion where I could find him if I had to, but that's all I am saying on that subject.


Once I got Belda up and moving she was a blur of motion around the apartment packing everything up. godfreyand I had packed last night. i was dead on my feet while we made out way to the fighter.. Thankfully it was big enough for some beds and a small room for saber pratice and meditation. I made a note to thank Anakin . Once in flight to Utapau I explained to Belda what our mission was in depth.


" I know you don't turn 10 for a little while yet, but I brought along parts for an early birthday present" I reached over for the spare sack I had packed with lightsaber parts . " While en route to Utapau I think you'll be needing this" I pulled out a special teal colored power crystal I had spent weeks hunting for just for her . " Happy Birthday Belda.. now why don't you get to work? I think I need a nap before we land in a few hours.. If you need some help.. either wake me or ask Godfrey okay? I'm not bored or anything.. just" I stifled a yawn " Really really tired . It took me six hours of arguing for them to let me bring you. along, but.. " I smiled" It was worth every second.. I'm very proud of you Belda, never forget that. Tools are on the table.. if you need me I'll be in the next room over and Godfrey is straight up the hall in the cockpit okie?"


She nodded, obviously estatic with he birthday present.. " And you know, we 'll have a party too .." I nearly got tackled to the floor " Thank you Master!" she was grinning from ear to ear. I grinned back and shooed her over to the table" Now go get to work, time's wasting Belda"
As she hurried over to begin work on her new lightsaber, I had to smile. I was able to make one young lady very happy today. that was all that mattered to me.

I sent a message along our bond to Godfrey that Belda was working on her saber and she might come to him for help then I headed off to one of the back cots. Force help me I didn't even manage to kick off my boots but I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Til Later
Pho

Celebrations and Departures

When I woke that morning, he wasn't there of course.. I knew he wouldn't be seeing as how today was our wedding. the thought made me want to get up and just twirl around the room giggling to myself.But I knew I had other things to do. first was.. Oh good lord.. When I took stock of myself in front of the full length mirror I knew I was a mess. I nearly tripped over the sheets that had somehow wrapped themselves around me the previous night as I hurried for the fresher .A little rose oil and lavander bath crystals and I was brand new.. and ready to start a new life with Godfrey.

As I was pulling on the petticoats and such my mind skipped and twirled. Today I would be his.. Today I would finally find love.. forever..Godfrey had told me yesterday to choose anything in the shifrobe for my gown saying that I would look stunning in anything. As I was poking through the dressed hung neatly on the racks my mind drifted to my dream of the previous night.

I was in the room of a thousand fountains.Belda was there, so was Godfrey. 2 children were playing at my feet. I wore a white gown with a white ribbion down the waist and to the floor. The little girl, with brown eyes like mine and blonde hair like Godfrey's came running to me and extended her short little arms towards me and said.. I remember very clearly" Pick me up mamma!"

It was then I woke in a cold sweat.

I came to the last dress in the cabniet and I nearly fainted from suprise.. No.. how.. how could this be? My hands gently lifted the same dress from my dream out from the dark shifrobe and spread it out on the bed.. This was my wedding gown.. I was sure of it.I dressed quickly and sat in front of the vanity, brushing my hair carefully until it coiled at my shoulders.my shoes , white with golden trimsat by the vanity as I applied small doses of makeup. I could feel the force charged, electric around me , telling me this was right.. this was where I was meant to be. There was a knock at the door which I went to answer. There stood anakin, a white shirt and black pants. His lightsaber was nowhere in sight, but I had a pretty good idea he had it on him anyway.

" Pho I just came by to check on you.. Godfrey is a nervous wreck and.. wow.. you look amazing.." he said grinning at me as he took a step back to take me in fully. the only thing I was missing were the white roses that sat on the table which I had to twine into a wreath for my hair and my shoes.

As I pulled on my shoes I began talking , maybe it was just a rambling.. or something more" you have no idea how happy I am right now Anakin.. You being here means the world to me , more than the world.. everything.. you know when I was little I always dreamed of a great big wedding with everyone I knew there and we were all happy. "

My fingers worked the vines as I continued to talk

" But then my master woke me up to what the truth of the Jedi was. I would never have a big wedding. In fact we are not permitted to marry. Though many Jedi masters married and had children the law camwe down we were forbidden from marrying alltogether . though they forget we are human , we are falliable. I fear for the order Anakin, I fear for it's future. They do not or will not see that we are mere humans. And like mere humans we have a right to be happy. to love, to marry. It tears at my heart that such a great order will one day fall , that all we have worked for will turn to dust."


I looked up from my work, the wine half completed . Anakin's face was tight, his lips drawn into a half scowl. " The order won't end, not so long as I am around"

My fingers wove seamlessly through the greenery and my next reply tumbled from my lips like water" Anakin, someone has to make them see. But not by the sword either, but through diplomacy, thorugh understanding and trust. The sword is not the way to make people see reason. No matter what happens. I will tell you something I have never told anyone.. "

I stopped and let the wreath fall into my lap. " When diplomacy fails, when people must resort to weapons and viloence to make others see their point, or more to it, force it on them, it makes me die in my heart.. For every soul ripped from it's mortal confines.. for every child without a father, for every ..." My throat closed like a vice and refused to let me speak anymore. I began crying..

I could hear his bootsteps on the floor before I felt his durasteel hand grasp my shoulder with the infintie gentleeness he had withhin him, though at times he chose not to show it" Pho.. no crying.. please.. Even though many have died, maybe.. just maybe with the happiness you have, you can help save others..show others the right way.. without a lightsaber"

My head turned and I looked up at him with bleary eyes. " You're right.. oh force you're right.. Thank you Ani.. thank you so much."

He smiled" No problem, now hurry and finish getting ready, Godfrey would have my head if you were late" he said laughing at the last part.

Nodding I hurried and re applied my makeup . My little crying jag had messed up my work.I stood a few minutes later and took Anakin's extended arm.The chapel was down the main hall and through small walk over an outside balcony.

Just before the chapel doors opened,, Anakin arranged my veil for me since any movement I made would have messed up my dress. " Pho.. I know you would have liked to have everyone here, but know they are.. if not in body but in spirit. We're all here for you sister.." He looked like he was about ready to cry a little bit as well but was trying his damndest not to. Wordlessly I handed him a hankie I had found on my way out and as soon as he was ready, the doors opened.

Step by step I made my way down the isle towards Godfrey. Black pants, cream silk tunic and a velvet hunter green vest with silver trim.. My world narrowed to just him. I felt Anakin somewhere nearby, but Godfrey held me spellbound. I heard the buzzing words of the priest and I flowed through the answers esaily. Then the next thing I knew Godfrey was kissing me and my world stopped. My knees were about to collapse under me whenever I heard Anakin shouting over the cheering" Get a room you two!"

I broke away from Godfrey long enough to bat Anakin alongside the head with my boquet before I tossed it into the chapel where a young woman with blonde hair and blue eyes caught it. She looked at me.. then back down to the boquet and fainted.


At the reception, which ended up comming afterthemandatory corination* rolls eyes* it was time for the garter toss. Here's a funny one for you.. You'll never believe who caught my garter..


Yes ladies and gentlemen the chosen one himself Anakin Skywalker. He wasn't even trying. He just stood there and when I looked back it had wound itse'f around Anakin's lightsaber. to his credit he didn't make a crack about it but turned every shade of red possible . the middle was red and the lace.. black.. Oh lord.. I hope someone got a holo of the look on his face..
There were many holos taken that day most of which will end up back with us when we return home.. But for now.. I was catching a quick bite whenever Anakin mmotioned for me to follow him into the hall

" Pho I'm sorry but I have to leave.." he said looking slightly pissed off and sad all at once" I loved being here with everyone, but I need to get back.. They will be searching for me soon"I wanted to cry.. the damn council was runing everything as usual


" Your place is here Pho.. and besides" he smirked a little " you have someone in there who is very anxious for this party to be over.. Take it easy on him huh? "
He always made me laugh" Of course.. I promise"

He hugged me" Be safe Pho, be happy. You've fufilled one of my wishes today.. To see you happy with a man who cares for you..Not someone who didn't know what in his right mind he was missing. he smiled knowingly and then turning, he walked off into the night, his Jedi robes blending in perfectly with the darkness. The moon was the only thing I was able to follow him by until the dark swallowed him up completly.. The only thing that I could see was a certain scrap of red and black..

I went back in the hall , alone and returned to Godfrey's side. After I explained what had happened, he nodded and after a while , with the party and all, we retired to bed for the night.I relished in that electic feeling of the force.. The one that showed me that I was following the force and my heart.
Til Later
Pho

A final goodbye

When I woke again it was twilight and the sun was beaming through the curtains. I reached for Godfrey and found him gone. I got up from bed and looked around the room barefoot. My mouth dropped open when I saw the dress he had hung up for me . It was a shining velvet black dress with a celtic knotwork down the waist. With it was a set of golden combs with rubies and black shoes set in silver. With it , a note

Phobia
The funeral is set for sunset tonight I was able to find clothes for you for the service. meet me downstairs for dinner then we can go shopping if you want
With love
Godfrey


I dressed quickly in my usual clothes and hurried downstairs where Godfrey was just finishing grilled cheese sandwiches and some light munchies . I ate like I was a famished woman with a banquet set before her. In truth my energy had been dipping rather low and it made me tired more easily. Once we were done He gathered up a coat for me and he pulled on his denim hacket and guided me out into the bustling bazar, one arm protectively at my waist. There were hundreds of shops all around I couldn't pick what to get and what to save.. I eventually settled on some of the prettiest stuff I could find including a whole arabian dancer's jewelry set, and well just about everything there I could think of that wasn't too terribly expensive


The one thing that I did sort of splurg on was this beautiful crystal bracelet. In one of the others shops there was a stunning silver and onyx necklace but I didn't get it because it was too expensive.. though I figured it would look lovely with the black dress. We returned to the manor and I managed to find my way up to my room to get ready. After a quick bath and letting my hair air dry by the big french vernanda windows I proceeded to get myself dressed, which was easier than it sounded.


The first thing was the.. you guessed it.. corset.. ugh.. After the party at Sky city I made sure to keep the laces loose, but after about 10 minutes of trying to figure it out, I managed to get laced correctly with no help thanks much* grins* .. The dress was easy , but the last few laces were refusing to cooperate . I was seriously about to have a hissy fit whenever Godfrey knocked at the door. I told him to come in as I sat down on the bench in front of the vanity, the dress slipping around my shoulders and pooling just below my diphragm.

I could hear him snickering at my obvious predicment and I turned a frustrated eye on him" and what pray tell is so bloody amusing ?"

He said nothing but guided me up off the bench and with a ease I had no idea he possessed laced up the back of my dress for me When he turned me around I just stared like a karp out of water.

" how did you learn to do that?"

At my look he laughed outright. " I've had a lot of pratice"

A devilish gleam was hiding just beneath those cerulan orbs but I didn't question it knowing I would just give myself a headache.Passing me the combs I pulled up my hair so it was in an elgant french bun. it was just then I noticed his reflection in the miror. He too was dressed all in black, tunic, undertunics,pants and boots. He took my breath away. I reached for my boots and laced them up quickly.

We would be late if I didn't hurry. Arton was to be buried on the rocky cliffs overlooking the Asheria Sea. The place where he had met Godfrey's mother. Who I found out from a few questions at last, her name was Aurora.

Just before we left he pulled a box from behind his back with a flourish . When I just sat there he laughed and said " go on open it! I got it for you today at the bazar.. "
When I undid the green ribbion and lifted the lid I let out a little peal of suprise. There sat the black and silver onyx necklace i had been eyeing in the bazar. " Godfrey.. how.. how did you know? "


He gave me a knowing glance. " I know the shopkeeper and she has been around for a long time.. She took an instant liking to you the second she saw you.. When I asked her if you had gotten anything she tells me"Ouch nay.. but she was eyeing the Hecate necklace there in the window.. She didn't get it though.. Probably feared you'd reprimand her for buing something so expensive"

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tightly. It was beautiful! i had a feeling that if Obi Wan could see me his reaction would be the same as Anakin' ss slackjawed one when we met him in the grand hall.. amazement.

Kneeling behind me, he undid the clasp and draped it around my neck smiling at my reflection in the window. " C'mon..beautiful.. We need to get going" He pulled me up and kissed my cheek as we headed for our ride.


We walked arm and arm down to where there was one of the waiting charriots to take us to the cliffs. A team of four magnificent black stallions pulled us along. A haunting song could be heard getting louder and louder as we got closer to the shoreline. When the coach pulled to a stop I stepepd out and my eyes could not take in the beauty fast enough.


I will try my best to describe the beauty of the Asheria sea in a few short sentances though it will no wear near do it justice. It was truly the work of a master artist. The cliffs were as though sculpted from the chisel of Gastsburo Da Volvie of Naboo. As we approached the assembled group of people, I saw that Arton had been dressed in his best clothes and was lying in a boat with what looked to be an ancient broadsword in his hands.I understood then. He would be sent unto the force like Master Qui Gon had been.


As Godfrey spoke to the assembled throng gathered at the shoreline I gripped his arm and sent him as much support as I possibly could.Finally when his voice faltered, I found mine. " Though I only met King Arton once, he was a kind and good man who accepted me for who I was. " I saw men gathering on the edges of the wood behind us and I instantly recgonized them as trouble and I raised my voice so I could be heard even by them. " And I beg you, do not let this world Arton fought so hard to protect and love fall into the cluctches of civil war. We all will pass on sometime. Why litter this world, a place of beauty and tranquility with blood? Do you want to see your parents ,your children, those you love here? Then if you say nay. I ask you, no I implore you, help us bring this world back into one united place where we might all live in peace.."

Most fell back but one stupid one remained. " who are you to tell us what to do? What reason do you have to speak? you are not of this world!"


Though the insult hurt Godfrey and Anakin; who stood nearby the two of us, a somber expression on his face, I drew in a deep breath and pulled my answer straight from the force." All worlds are one, we are all bothers and sisters here. As for who I am? I am simply a woman who wishes to live in peace with the man she loves. Free from war, free from death and pain, both of the mental and physical persusaion. We suffer enough. why bring more?"
He stood there, as though not used to being spoken to like an equal then nodded respectfully and withdrew.

Godfrey looked at me in suprise and I nudged him to get on with the cermony. It was getting late and some of the children who were there with their mothers were begining to shiver with the evening cold. I could see Anakin smiling slightly out of the corner of my eye.

" Now as my father gave unto this planet, let it recieve him into it's loving embrace. One journey ends, another beigns"

He took hold of one strong longbow , black and fitted a white arrow to it. He passed the other to me and both were lit aflame.

Following his lead, mine ironically enough white with a black arrow, we fired the first two arrows towards the boat where Arton lay. Then at a guard's command another batallion of archers fired off another volley of arrows and the boat burst into a blossoming fireball.

As I stood there, watching Arton's remains being burnt to ash to give back to the planet he so loved, a glimmer of light caught on my conciousness. I turned just slightly to see a man and woman embracing much like Godfrey and I were.The woman had blonde hair, a cascade of curls falling to her waist, a white rose wreath crowning her head. She had blue eyes. The man standing next to her I recgonized instantly though he was much much younger..
I bowed my head smiling to both and Aurora bowed her head to me and I heard her voice in my head.

" You have given me back the man I love and saved the planet I loved.. Bless you Phobia.. and may you and my son find much happiness together.. You both have our blessings.Farewell"


They vanished as quickly as they came and I hugged Godfrey's waist as the last embers of the boat diminished and the group started to disperse. I shivered reflexevly as the cold air bit across my neck. He looked down at me through his glasses with a half stern half bemused expression. Gus Talon , Corellia's moon rising high above us in the dark night. " Cold much?" I saw he was concerned so I shook my head. Please I'd been to Hoth .. I could handle this.Though he was nearby I heard Anakin say he would meet us back at the house whenever we were ready.He would walk the cold night air doing him well.


"Something else?" Godfrey asked me . The set of his face had changed slightly.. I didn't quite understand it.. I wasn't frigthened by it .. I was.. excited I didn't know what it meant but I was willing to learn.. He lead me back to the coach, but when I caught a glimpse of his eyes, they were a deep jade.. I reached through the force towards him and felt love and something else.. wild and feral.. It shuddered through me like a tidal storm. By the time I got to the carrage to take us back to the manor my knees were so weak Godfrey had to lift me inside.


As the coach lurched I explained to him breathlessly what had struck me dumb and why.He was gentle with me as he pulled me into his lap and explained a few things that in my years I had never had to know and also promised me that when our wedding night came that he would be as gentle and as careful as he could with me. I leaned against him and sighed happily. I had the best of it all.. A man who cared for me enough not to simply take what he wanted and leave.. He would make sure we shared it..


When the coach pulled up in front of the house I was near falling asleep on my feet.All I knew was ghosting hands as they gently removed my clothes and helped me dress for bed. Nothing happened for all you hentais who would be dying to know. Soon as I was in bed, he joined me a few minutes later for a while.. but he was up by sunrise, running through his katas in the morning's light in the garden alongside Anakin who for some reason unknown to heaven had chosen to join him ..

I watched them from the balcony as they moved from the meidocore ones all the way up to the top level black belt katas. Force I was drooling over Godfrey like an idiot and frankly I really didn't care. I saw Anakin glance up at me once and smirk.. Figures .. I think maybe I might see if we can go dancing today.. there is a festival in town of Telosian gypsies.

Til Later
Phobia

Meetings and Partings

The trip was actually peaceful. No worrying about the council suspecting something and rushing after us, nothing. We are staying in a grand manor house in Coronet. This is where Godfrey lived before he was sent to train with the Jedi.

This place is simply beautiful. It's a cross between a victorian manor and a medeval castle.. Hundreds of rooms, .. It's a dream. His father is ill and from what he speaks of, it's one of the main reason why we've come here . He wanted me to meet his father Arton before he pased into the force. His mother died years ago, and he doesn't speak of it much, but tells me that I would've made her quite happy.


When we entered the house, someone rushed up to Godfrey and whispered something to him and immeditly his expression became very somber. He took my hand and led me down the hall towards a sprawling room that seemed to go on forever . In it was one single bed and in that bed was a man in his 90's I would guess . " is that?" my question died in my throat as he riased his head and looked at me. They were the same color as Godfrey's, sea green.


I left his side and approached the bed carefully then kneeling I let my hand rest on his forehead sending calming waves of the force to him. " you.. you're the one my s-son spoke of? Phobia?"
I nodded" Yes Arton, I'm Phobia.. Rest.. please.. save your strength"


A shaky gnarled hand tocuhed my cheek and his eyes locked with mine for the briefest moment " They will adore you.. you will be a good queen.. "


His head fell back, eyes closed and the hand fell back to the bed . I looked to Godfrey who stood just behind me , his eyes full of sorrow. The last family member he had.. gone.. I rose and after kissing Arton's forehead in a final means of love and respect I went to his side and brought his face down to meet mine.. " You still have me, you will ALWAYS have me.. this I promise you.... Now why don't we go for a walk? maybe get settled in? Help you clear you thoughts.. Let's just get out of here for now.. let them do their job?"


A thin smile crossed his features and he nodded, guiding me out of the room an arm around my waist. I wanted to take this pain away from .. somehow. I knew the pain of loosing family.. but I didn't..The glass doors swished open with the force and suddenly I found myself standing in a HUGE garden ,roses of every sort surrounding me and.. I walked closer to the tree in the center of the garden ..I knew this tree.. barely from my childhood in Spirit World.. " Godfrey.. how.. I.. " Words would not form in my throat.. this was one of the holiest trees known to man kind.. and demon kind.. the crystals that grew from this tree were sacred.. and helped prevent nightmares.
Godfrey reached up and plucked off one of the crystals and threaded it on a black leather rope and he placed it around my neck.. " To help with your nightmares love" I could feel the crystal's magic working on me and brining me closer to inner calm than I have ever been. I rose from the bench and wrapped my arms around his neck. " You are the most loving, caring man I have ever met. How can I ever show you how I feel?"

Smiling he placed both hands on my head and his voice dropped to a whisper" Open your mind to me.. show me.. "

I let every last one of my mental shields drop like glass, I could feel his mind wrapping around mine like a warm blanket healing the cracks, healing the scars. I could feel Catia's suprise as he even accepted her, his love embraced us both. Tears fell as I let myself fall against him, overcome by weariness and well.. just plain emotional breakdown.

He lifted me to my feet, my body was pretty much incapable of supporting itself and led me back into the house, but not before plucking a red rose and tucking it just behind my ear. Up a set of stairs and a smaller door was pushed open.

The room was bedecked in dark blue and silver. Bookshelves lined the walls and above them several weapons hung as ortamental pieces on the walls. Both new and old. I gazed in wonderment at the set of sais hanging above the second bookcase as Godfrey laid me down gently on the bed . " Sleep now my love. please.. you need your strength"

I nodded drowsily" Only if you'll lay here with me.. just or a bit.. "

I could see he was debating to give in or not, and I gazed at him pleadingly" Please? I can't sleep well without knowing your rested too"


A smile twitched at the corners of his lips and a moment later I could feel him pressed agianst my back, heat warming and comforting me like a gentle furnace.. " Now sleep.. we'll go out shopping later.. and head to the docks.. remember Anakin should be here soon"

With that thought on my mind I dropped off to sleep, drifitng on peace and serenity, two emotions the force has not seen fit to grant me until now.


When I woke sometime later it was Godfrey shaking me. " Pho? Pho? c'mon we're late.. and your com is ringing dear. " I woke groggily trying to reorient myself with the waking world. I picked up my com and answered sleepily" Deimos.. what's up?"

I could hear fighter engines in the background and a familiar voice that brought me back fully awake in a matter of seconds. " Skywalker and Pho where the heck are you? You said to meet you at the space dock at 3 it's 430 now !"

A few muttered cuss words and I shot up out of bed , searching for a dress and running a brush through my as usual* snort* unruly hair" Ani I'm sorry there's things that had came up and I slept in.. We'll be right there I promise.. I'll fill you in there."

" Alright Pho but this better be good.Skywalker out"

I dressed in a hurry, a white toga with purple shoulder drapes and a simple sapphire necklace which Godfrey had found for me and brown sandals. We pretty much looked like something out of an old story. He was dressed in brown pants and a poets shirt due to the heat. No wonder why Anakin was grumpy.The robes weighed a ton.

I raced down the stairs and outside where I jumped in my fighter, and Godfrey followed, at a much more slow pace. Too much like Obi Wan he was.. The Star Light space dock wasn't far and I made it with in about five minutes . Grinning from ear to ear i landed my fighter at the other end of the dock and snuck up behind Anakin dampening my force signature . I brought a hand up to cover his eyes" Guess who?"

He nearly jumped a half mile off the floor.

" Jeezus Pho! Don't do that! " He ran a hand through his hair sheepishly, probably embarassed that I had bene able to sneak up on the chosen one. " Don't worry Ani, no one wil lhear about this.. " I said with a chuckle. He stepped back to get a good look at me. it wasn't often that we were able to ditch our robes. " Pho you look amazing.. " he said grinning from what I suspected, pride.

" Ani I have to fill you in on a thing or two.. There's another thing I need your help with.."


His face fell"What'd you do now.. Don't tell me I have to pull your hide out of the frying pan"


I knew he hated having to clean up everyone else's messes. " no no nothing like that.. It's like this.. Godfrey's father Arton just passed away. The funeral is tonight and the wedding is the day after tomorrow. Could you be there please? Both factions I was telling you about will be present and I am hoping for Godfrey's sake there will be no trouble. I 've given him as much support as I know how, but he's hurting a lot.. That was the last of his family. "

Anakin smiled a little and nodded" Sure.. by the way where are you staying at anyway?"

I pointed to the manor on the hill" up there, there's hundreds of rooms.. You can come stay with us if you like.. "

He grinned" yeah.. if you guys don't mind. I'm bushed "

I gestured for him to follow me back to my fighter where I could see Godfrey had already landed and was waiting for us. " I was wondering what was keeping you Pho." he said a brief smirk tugging at his lips.I laughed aloud" you know I had to fill him in on what excactly was going on hon.. Anakin.. this is my fiance, soon to be husband.. Godfrey .. Godfrey you allready know who this but for the sake of formality.. this is Anakin. I have to go and check something on the fighter.. you guys talk for a minute k?"

I hurried back over to the engine which for some reason had decided to belch smoke .A little tinekring and it was fixed . As i made my way back over to them I could see they were getting along like old freinds. " Ready to go? " I asked,grinning . " There's some food back at the house.. and Anakin you don't need to play mr hero jedi here.. please.. not on my part at all.. or anyone else's.. I guess this is sort of a vacation for you.. "


A laugh in his his eyes Anakin nodded . Godfrey headed back to his ship and I turned to Anakin" you can either bring your fighter over to the house or ride with me.. there's a private dock closer to the house which I had no clue of til today. "

" I'll bring mine over thanks"

Nodding I got in my fighter and took off back to the house. When we landed I could tell Anakin was tired . Really tired . Despite his protests to the contrary I steered him into the one of many rooms and pointed to the bed. " you sleep .. now.. that's elderdown Alderanian goose feather. When do you think you'll get a chance like this again. I know your tense so shut up and quit yuor manly complaining. It will help"


He didn't need to be told twice. I closed the door and I could hear him sigh in contentment like a cat being given salmon.Chuckling to myself I headed up to the room I shared with Godfrey. I was dead on my feet too but I did a better job of shielding it from him than one would think . not Godfrey though.

The second I showed back in our room he guided me to the bed and said " I don't need to repeat the same speech you gave Anakin, you rest too. I have a few things to attend to . I'll join you shortly okay?."

I had dozed off almost fully before he was back. I moved over to let him lie down with me. Whenever his arms wrapped around my waist , I let out a little contented sigh and finally.. I was able to sleep.. maybe it was the air or what.. but no nightamres.. for once...A luxury I don't often have anymore and I would make the most of it.
Til later
Pho

A com call and sharing the news

So .. we're set and ready to leave for Corellia tomorrow. Belda is staying with some of her freinds while I'm away and I left her instructions that she is not to go wandering by herself and if possible stay within the temple walls. I sort of feel guilty about leaving her by herself for a full week , but I need the break for heaven's sakes..


The pups were staying at the temple as well as Odi.. Lisette was the only one comming with me thank the force.. I was pratically floating in all my excitement. We'd went shopping the previous evening and had managed to almost wipe out my petty cash from my sabbac games .. New clothes and also books and .. some other things which he isn't privvy to and won't be until I'm ready to show him* winks*
I

had comed Anakin last night and left him a short message of" If I'm not here just so you don't worry I'm on Correllia" I'm pretty much guessing he thought I had went off the deep end.. It was just then my com beeped.. I recgonized the number.. I gulped.. here we go..


" Pho , Skywalker.. Please tell me why you are going to Correllia of all places?" he sounded tired ,I hoped the council wasn't running him raggad again


I took a deep breath and said .. " Anakin.. you're the only one I'd trust with this.. but.. I'm getting married!" I was grinning from ear to ear as Godfrey came out of the other room and looked at me questioningly.


I gestured for him to be quiet as I listened to Anakin's reply.


" Your what? Repeat that!" Okay.. someone needed blood pressure meds..


" Anakin.. I.. I'm getting married.. " was he going to fly off the handle too?


A long pause followed.. Man this was not good then.. "Wow have I went nuts finally? or did the order change that fast?"


I chuckled at his very good attempt at dry humor and responded as I started throwing things into a suitcase" No Anakin.. the circumstances are diffrent.. much diffrent.. you see the guy I'm marrying.. the attachment bit has been waved for him . You remember the royal family of Correllia? I'm marrying Godfrey Zebulon ,Anakin.. the prince of Correllia" .. My voice was about to crack I was so nervous..


Another small pause then "How did you manage to pull that off? I'm happy for you he must be some man to win your heart"


I was near to tears I was so happy, Godfrey hugged me tightly then went to double check things as I spoke" he is Anakin.. the best man I have ever met.. 1 look that's all I needed .. I mean after everything that happened with Mace.. I didn't know if I culd fall in love.." I trailed off with a smile then " If you can, do you think you can come to Correllia .. we're leaving tomorrow for a week straight.. the council thinks it's a diplomatic mission, it technically is.. Godfrey is the negoaatior for the two factions on planet.. it's close to Civil War Ani.. "


Oh please.. let him be able to come! I didn't want to be by myself with none of my freinds around on the happiest day of my life!


"I can try, Pho. I'm allmost done with this menial grunt work Obi Wan set me to before he left.." I could hear a snort in the background ". I might have to met you whereever you are going. I have one more thing to take care of here"A sigh," And it'll take me a while, even with my expertiece"


I breathed a sigh of relief" You are the absoulete best jedi, friend and brother I could have.. You have no idea how much it means to me.. I only trust you with this.. If Obi Wan were to find out, he'd hit the roof.. " My voice faded a bit as I took a drink of water.. " We're going to be at the Star Light space dock, I'll meet you in the grand library if you can come okay? Thank you so much Anakin"


I could almost feel him smiling through the force " I wouldn't let you down. I'll be there as fast as I can. Don't worry your secret is safe with me"


If I could have hugged him I would have. " Thanks Ani.. And don't worry about Belda.. I've already left her instructions and such.. she's staying with freinds.. and I have Cin watching over her. Deimos out.. I'll see you soon"


After our coms clicked out I turned to Godfrey who was watching me with a bemused expression .. " What was that all about?" he asked me dropping the bag in his hands and taking me in his arms. Isighed resting my cheek on his chest. " Anakin agreed to come to the ceremony.. What day do you think maybe?"


He looked thoughtful for a moment then looked down at me, a smile on his face" Well I was thinking we could have 4 days to get settled in have the wedding on the fifth day which leaves us 2 days give or take for our honeymoon.." I looked up at him questioningly.. " Why do we need 2 days for our honeymoon hon?"


He chuckled and for the next minute or so I was being soundly deprived of air . When he finally let me up he grinned wickedly and whispered" I want to make sure we have all the time in the world.. So you can take your time.. I plan to with you.. "


My stomach was all knotty and jumpy but I just hugged him and kissed his nose beofre slipping away to gather the last of the bags " I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm sure you'll show me when you're ready.. "


Just then his com beeped.


He answered, a few choice words under his breath and I had to stifle a giggle. " Yes? oh.. okay I'll be right there.. "


He hung up and hugged me quickly" I have to go, one of the padawans got a broken arm in combat pratice.. see what happens when I have to get a sub?" he chuckled and hurried out the door" Love you! I'll be back later"


I smiled and collapsed onto the couch idly stroking Lisette. I was going to be married in less than a week to the best man in the whole world.. The sith were leaving me be.. Life was good.. it wasn't going to last for too long, I knew..

Til Later
Pho

A fairytale comming true..

I was paging through the grimorie looking for anything related to incubi and succubi whenever my com beeped. It was Bail Organa. I had called him earlier that day and told him about the puppies. He had agreed to come and see them at the temple later that afternoon, and he would bring Mon Mothma with him. His ship had just landed at the spaceport and he would arrive at the temple in 20 minutes. One look at my appreance, a tank top and a set of black silk boxers* coughs* don'task* I knew I needed a change and quickly.


As I was changing clothes to go meet Bail at the docks I realizied I hadn't seen Godfrey in about a week almost. Ever since he'd kissed me goodnight it was like he'd vanished like a dream.. HAD I been dreaming? The thought mulled over in my head as I yanked the black sweater over my head that read" Don't cross my path" put Odi's leash on her and led her down to the docks . The one thing I will say about the Viceroy is that he is one of the funniest men I have ever met, and also a very good listener.


When I made it to the docks he was dressed in the clothing of the royal house of Alderann and behind him stood Mon Mothma.. Smiling Bail knelt down and patted Odi's head and she promptly licked his hand panting up at him with big doe brown eyes. It made me laugh a bit, but
I felt a pang of regret in my heart. Sooner or later I would be alone again and it hurt a good deal. Mon Mothma saw the hurt in my eyes and she smiled gently and placed a hand on my shoulder.


" I see it in your eyes.. who's the lucky man?" she asked with a giggle as we walked back towards the temple, Odi pulling on the leash ,anxious to get back to her puppies.
I grinned , my heart dancing" This stays between us Mon Mothma?" she nodded and I continued" Somehow.. another Jedi.. his name is Godfrey Zebulon"


Mon Mothma's eyes went wide for a moment then she smiled knowingly then fell instep by Bail and whispered something in his ear and he chuckled as we turned the corner to the temple.. My arm was nearly yanked out of it's socket and we walked( or in Odi's case ran) into the temple .


She began whining and huffing trying to break free of me to get to her pups. When we got close to my room she broke loose and ran ahead,Belda following on her heels. I had to run after them, narrowly missing running headlong into a few others including Gar Gar who decided to get under my feet and almost tripped me. I was flying towards the floor whenever suddenly a familiar force presence flared to life next to me and I was narrowly saved from busting my nose on the floor. Whenever he pulled me back to my feet my forehead barely graced his nose.


" You allright?" he asked me, breath ghosting across my bangs making them flutter. My ears were turning pink because I knew Bail and Mon Mothma were watching this whole display.. " Yeah.. um I think so I.. " I tried to take a step and I crashed into Godfrey and we both went tumbling onto the floor, me landing on top of him and Mon Mothma burst out laughing closely followed by Bail.


I scrambled to my feet like I had touched a hot pan blushing badly.. Why did it feel so good to be lying like that? why did I want him to kiss me? Boy was I confused..
Finally thank the force we got to my room and Odi ran to her pups whining and yipping. Bail and Mon Mothma were utterly enchanted with the little ones They both agreed to take one puppy each and would also speak to some of their freinds in the Senate to see about adopting the others.


It was then that Godfrey had suggested taking Odi for a walk in the park.. Before we left he told me to change into cilvillan clothes and asked if Bail and Mon Mothma would like to come with us.. Offering a knowing smile Bail declined saying he needed to get back to his senatoral quaters and go out to purchase some things for the little boy, whom he decided to name.. of all things.. Onyx..


Once I had gotten changed we decided to leave the pups there for the present, come back and take them later once Odi was tired out.. it was a race to see who could get to the big tree under the park bench first.. He beat me by a half inch to be honest.. But.. oh force.. he kissed me.. for real.. gentle.. caring.. I could feel his emotions through the force and it was nothing but pure love.. I wanted to be close to him.. so it didnt matter where ended and I began.. Then he pulled back for a moment to look at me, his eyes were swirling with love.. oh.. I'm getting all mushy just writing about this.. But anyway, he slipped a claudaugh ring on my wedding finger and asked me if I would be his, forever and always.. if I would be his wife


What suprised me is how fast I said yes.


He was so happy! He pulled me up from the bench and kissed me, stealing any of my breath from my lungs. I don't know how I managed, but a whimper escaped my throat and I clutched his shoulders , my knees were wobbling like sticks in a storm. The park had built in sound system.. A guitar melody struck up, and he started singing.. since my brain turned to mush.. here's the lyrics.


Earth angel,Earth angel
Will you be mine
My darling dear
Love you all the time
Im just a fool,
A fool in love, with you
Earth angel Earth angelThe one I adore

Love you forever
And ever more
Im just a fool,
A fool in-love with you
I fell for you
And I knew
The vision of your lovliness
I hope and I pray,
That someday,
Ill be the vision of yourHappiness
Earth angel,
Earth angel
Please you be mine
My darling dearLove you all the time
Im just a fool,A fool in love, with you
I fell for you And I knewThe vision of your lovliness
I hope and I pray,That someday,Ill be the vision of yourHappiness
Earth angel,
Earth angel
Please you be mine
My darling dearLove you all the time
Im just a fool,A fool in love, with you


He treats me so well, I can't fathom how lucky I am to have him.. I don't care about tomorrow, I don't care about yesterday.. all I care about is the time I have with him.. He's asked me to come visit his home planet of Corellia and I gladly accepted .We're leaving next week on the pretesne of a diplomatic mission . I want to tell someone this wonderful news.. but who? My mind instantly set on Anakin.. I knew he could keep my secret.. and he would understand too .it would be risky because if the council tried to get ahold of him for a mission and all.. But I knew we could pull it off...

We're going shopping tomorrow for some new civillian clothes and I am pikcing up a copy of Reclamation and Cycle of time for Godfrey.. He still doesn't know who the author is.. and I'll tell him, but in my way.


I'll have Cin keep Odi and the pups while I'm gone. The fighter is small and it only fits us and Lisette. The 2 for Mon Mothma and Bail would go to them later this week . .. Nothing worries me right now, and that's unusal.. espically for me.
Til Later* giggles*
Pho

Helping and Healing

I haven't been the same for weeks now.. I am always looking over my shoulder, not knowing weather I will be attacked whenever I turn a corner or walk through a doorway. My nerves were a mess. I even jumped half a mile whenever Obi Wan came to check on me. I rursted no one, not even really Belda I am deeply ashamed to say. The only ones I trusted were Odi and Lisette.

I could feel Belda's worry and confusion that she did not understand why I was frightened. The information Jocasta gave me was most helpful and later that evening I consulted the grimorie for more information on how to excorsise crossbreed demons.


Catia was guiding me step by step as I reformed my lightsaber for just such a special puprose. The gateway ws only partway constructed in the archives , but the synth crystal I had found in Bane's hoocron was a force send. It is a special crystal that not only can cut through mortal foes but also those of the spiritual nature. I stuided religiously for another week it seemed though I knew it was only a few days before I sent the message to Mace.. That we needed to talk.. to meet me in the training room..


The air was like ice around me the moment I stepped through those doors. The room was dark, illiminated by the eerie glow of Mace's saber , which cast shadows off the walls of the room. his voice.. it was not his own as he spoke to me..
" Lovely.. your swordmaster will not save you this time.. you'll be mine my dear.. "


I said nothing but activated my black blade which caused him to take a step back. " How.. that is the synth crystal of Anubis!"


I gave him no leway but attacked head on, taking him down to the floor . He grinned then flipped me over , this time I was ready and kicked out with my feet sending him flying back into the wall. I was so focused on the battle before me I did not hear the door open. My saber was raised for the killing strike and I was bringing it down on his arm when a strong hand closed over my upper arm and dragged me back away from him as I was about to do something I knew I would regret..


"He's no threat now! stop!"


I turned about ready to kill whoever had stopped me then.. my heart nearly stopped..
I was looking into the eyes of someone very familiar.. but foregin at the same time.. " Ivan?"
He smiled gently " not anymore.. My name is Godfrey.. Godfrey Zebulon .. Through the nightmare you have survived you changed it all.. for the better or worse I don't know.. but what matters is now I'm here and I can help you through this.. You know.. I can help you.. let me protect you .. Let me help you heal.. "


Our eyes met for an instant and I knew.. it was like all of those years I had spent for pining over someone I could not have.. they all went up in flames.. I saw my destiny sitting in front of my eyes before me.. It was then I noticed the saber at his hip. He was not dressed in tunics and robes.. Instewad he was dressed in a simple civillan outfit of a red sweater, black jeans which clung VERY nicely may I add and black shoes.


" You're a Jedi?"


He chuckled and I could've melted right then and there.. " Just recently.. time space stuff.. I don't want to give you a headache"


Mace was rising from where I had knocked him out. I could feel and see it.. The energy of the incubi and succubi crossbreed was gone.. he was himself again.


Godfrey helped me to my feet and Mace was just about to come over whenever an image of what happened at the vaults flashed before my eyes.. " no! Mace.. stay away from me!" I backed up until I was back to chest with Godfrey who wrapped an arm around me protectively. Mace looked at me wide eyed and then he bakceed away slowly.. " Phobia.. I'm so sorry.. Oh force.. how blind have I been? Can you ever forgive me?"


I nodded " I can forgive you, but I don't know if I can trust you again"


He nodded briefly and left us in peace.. I turned to Godfrey,who gazed at me from behind a pair of geek glasses which I found utterly adorable. I felt safe, protected.. I collapsed in his arms and he picked me up off the mats and carried me clear back to my rooms. I drifted in and out for a time..

When I woke I was tucked into my bed in my room and Godfrey sat by my bedside stroking my forehead . I felt sort of like I had fever but it felt good. I wanted him next to me.. I wanted him to hold me but I was afraid to ask.. afraid where it might lead.. could I handle something like this so soon?


In response to my unspoken question he stood, kissed my forehead, my nose and briefly.. just ever so briefly my lips before using the force sleep suggestion on me and I fell into a dream like abyss.When I woke and he wasn't there I cried despretly like my heart had been broken but I saw the rose on my bedside table and the note


Meet you at breakfast.. then walk with me in the gardens?
Godfrey


I dressed in a whirlwind and pratically ran up the stairs to the cafeteria . There he sat waiting for me at my favroite table by the window the biggest smile on his face. I swear I was walking on air the whole morning..

We walked in the gardens after breakfast before I had to teach classes and he even danced with me.. Force he has the voice of an angel.. 9 am came too soon and I had to go teach the morning saber class since Cin was under the weather with a cold.

He was teaching the morning hand to hand combat class 1 floor down from me. My senses hummed and most of the knights noticed the change in me.. at one point one of them puleld me aside and warned me I was a little too excited and needed to calm down.Ii tried force I tried.. but I was so happy.. I wanted to float on a clooud.. I was in love.. despretly.. truly.. and completly in love
Til later
Pho

A chill to freeze my blood

I had to teach a few classes that afternoon so it was about somewhere after 6th chime before I was free. Belda was spending the evening with some of her freinds so for once in a while I was free. It was a relief actually . I had been juggling so many things I just needed to sit down and take stock of what had happened. In a matter of a few short days I had went from anomyus knight to keeper of one of the most sweetest, and sometimes puzzling padawans around. Not to mention there was the matter of the puppies who were currently sleeping.


I scratched Lisette's head and she purred" Remember when it was just us girl ? I know it seems a lot, but bear with me.. Soon it'll just be you me,Belda and Odi.." She curled herself into a ball and went to sleep. just then a message scrolled acorss my datapad. My heart jumped in my chest when I saw who it was from. Warning bells went off in my head. Mace wanted to meet me by the vaults downstairs to talk. He said he wanted to apologize for all he had done, that he'd come to his senses..


I grabbed my robe and headed downstairs, locking up after me. I knew it was vital I not be seen otherwise I could land us in a lot of trouble. After he had risked everything to bring the holocrons to me, I figured I could at least hear him out.
Arriving downstiars I saw the vault door standing open and swallowing slightly I walked inside.


All of a sudden I couldn't hear Catia, and I couldn't feel the force either. It was then I remembered that this vault was sealed off to keep the darkside aura away from the rest of the temple. I was turned towards the door and was about to run whenever I felt a hand close over my wrist. I turned and saw it was Mace" Your not going anywhere Phobia" he hissed pulling me to him. I tried kicking him but his grip tightened to the point I knew I would have brusies. He kissed me harshly and as I heard the sound of tearing fabric of my outer tunics a chill of fear raced through my veins.


" Mace please! NO! Don't do this! let me go!"I struggled to free myself from his ironlike grip. I knew if this continued.. I didn't want to think about it.. In desperation I fumbled for something I could hit him with to get away.. My hands fell on a miror and I shined it in his face. For a moment I saw what was truly the matter. He was under a curse.. His eyes in the miror were sith evil. He tossed it away before I could say a word. I was just about to give myself up for lost the panic growing inside of me my waves a moment.. The chill of the air hit my now nearly bare skin at the same instant as I heard footsteps down the corridor. .


I was crying and I didn't know what else to do.. I screamed aloud for someone.. anyone to help me.. I heard the hum of a lightsaber and I turned to see that my savior was the temple swordmaster Cin Draling. His face was the last thing I saw before I passed out


When I woke I was in the healer's ward. Cin was standing on one side of me watching over me worriedly. I tired to sit up but he gestured for me to lie still . I was still shaking when the healer came in to give the report. Master Draling had got there in time before anything had happened.

I was bruised all over and I felt sore all over The healer told me I could leave tonight if I wished but I was expected to go before the council in the morning to give my account of the event.She squeezed my hand gently" Phobia.. who.. who did this to you?"


Looking to make sure Cin was not within sight, I whispered" Tell no one of this but it was Mace.. he's .. not himself.. I can't explain it.. but he's being controlled. I need to find out who and what . I beg you keep this secret. I can't face the council. Not now.. not yet. Mace would never do this as his normal self.. please"
She nodded" Of course,anything you ask.. "


I felt the brief tap of Cin's hand on my shoulder letting me know he had returned" you going to be okay?" he asked" If you want to talk I'm here" .. I nodded" I'll be fine.. I'm sure Belda is wondering what's happened to me."


I rose sitffly from the bed and Cin handed me my boots. " In fact".. he never got to finish his sentance for right then Belda ran right in and hugged my knees, crying her little eyes out. " I heard what they said! Master! Please be okay!" I dropped to my knees and hugged her tight" I'll be okay Belda, I promise.. But remember one thing.. I always care for you.. no matter what. .You gave me a reason to fight, a reason to keep going.. Thank you Belda"

I picked her up and carried her back to our quaters. Tomorrow well tomorrow I didn't know what would happen. but I prepared myself for the absoulete worst. But I knew I would face it the best I knew how. I was hurt.. and scared. Dollie had scheduled me with the mind healer for the next month to try and help me get over this.


There was only one way for me to forget.. and that was to throw myself into my work.. Once I had put Belda to bedand after assuring her everything would be okay, I left the door open and went into the living room and poured out the sack onto the living room rug. Lisette tiptoed up to me and when she snifed my robes she arched her back and hissed. The intellegence of cats never ceased to amaze me. She knew.. and knew that I was hurt. She's very mellow but I get hurt and she will become your worst nightmare.


I made a mental note to keep her locked in my room for a while


One of the pups jumped onto my shoulder and started washing my face. I started to giggle a bit, then my giggles disolved into tears as I held the puppy close. My fingers traced the runes and one of the holocrons, Bane's actually sprang out of it. Out of it fell a synth crystal, black with silver veins. It was then I saw.. the begining of the gate...
Til Later
Pho

Shadows and Vapors, all the same

Late, very late that same evening I headed back to our rooms. Belda was dillegently working on her homework, which I have to say I was suprised she did so without a fuss. But then again, I saw the split eared grin on her face earlier that afternoon whenever the backs of my ears had decided to turn a very dark shade of pink whenever I missed a step in the current set I was working on and Obi Wan had to correct me.. Sometimes I am begining to wonder if Belda is too smart for her own good..

"She is.. now about our other problem..."


I wanted to scream and split my head in 2! " your not helping right now Catia and it's not OUR problem, it's MY problem. I will deal with this. I don't need your help.!" I was snappish, hungry and exhausted.


Belda looked up from her work, thinking I might be angry at her and a few well placed words had her set back on her work as I headed to the cooking area to make a light dinner for us.


" Look, Catia I'm sorry as much as I do appreciate the help, I want to be able to be able to stand on my own without help from you. There might come a time when you are no longer around and then what would I do huh? Sit and cry like a baby?"


" I'm sorry , your right. it's just I don't want to see what we have crash through the floor like a glass bowl."


I nodded mentally and while I was cooking dinner Belda kept casting glances over in my direction, probably wondering if all the stress had finally made me go off my rocker or if she had done something wrong.

Once dinner was finished, I brought a plate over to Belda and she looked up at me curiously.. " Master Deimos, who was that you were talking to ? "
She caught me by suprise, a good bit.. The only other person who had bee nable to see Catia was..


" I heard another lady's voice in the kitchen with you.. is she a freind of yours?"


I explained who Catia was over dinner. The expression on poor Belda's face was more so wide eyed shock than anything else. Then the topic turned to something even more intresting.. cake..
It seems that Belda's last class right before lunch was halfway across the temple And by the time she could get there, with all the no running rules and all there was hardly any desert left for her!.. Well this simply would not do..


I remembered very distinctly whenever I was younger I would have kp duty once a month.. and somehow Anakin always managed to get into trouble with Obi Wan that day.. of course me being my sympathetic self.. he helps me with dishes, I saved him a good centerpiece of the cake that yes.. I cooked. In my teens I became famous for my triple decker chocolate cake with fudge filling. I would make about 10 of those a month for the temple, and let me tell you one is a lot of work as it was..


So we pretty much came to a soulition. I would make 2 cakes a month for just us to share.. ( and of course if we had company and they were hungry, namely Anakin) so she wouldn't have to worry about it.. And from what I heard from Cin, they were skimping on the filling anyway.
I was just setting the dishes in the rack whenever I heard the doorchime. I went to answer it and I found no one standing there, but there was a sack on the mat. When I looked inside I paled and took into the apartment quickly, stashing it under my bed.


It wasn't until later I was able to see what it was in earnest. Someone had left me all of the holocrons in the vaults, save the Great Holocron which resided in the archives, which was where I would begin my work on the gate. I knew who had done this.. it was as plain as the note inside.. Mace.. in a pathetic attempt to win me over.. Well it wasn't going to work because I wouldn't let him be fooled by his own dilusions. When I reached for the nearest one an image of a crossbreed flashed across my mind.. Something was off..


I called Ms .Nu on my com and asked her to pull up whatever reasearch she could find on succubi and incubi and that I would come see her in the morning.Whenever she asked why I told her straight forward" I believe there may be a danger loose in the temple ..That the council knows and I'm only trying to help.." Satisfied she left and I climbed into bed with a weary mind. But not before locking the holocrons in the chest for safekeeping. I didn't need Belda getting her hands on one of those..


Still my dreams were tormented by nightmares... I find I am getting very little sleep these days and it's showing . But a little makeup never killed anyone, which I'd put some on to cover the dark circles under my eyes.. last thing I need is for someone to give me flack about sleeping enough.. I am doing all I can though I feel like I am being stretched like a ballon . Both mind and body. I really don't feel like I have recovered from that bout of sickness just yet.. Even his grave my brother still makes my life horrid.. huttslime..
Til Later
Pho

A wolf in sheep's clothing or is it?

It's late evening, 3 days after I got back from Korriban. The momma dog who I have named" Odyssia" or Odi for short is resting comfortably in her next with her pups. They are all allright and Belda is asleep quietly in the other room . For some reason I cannot sleep. A restless has taken hold of my mind and I cannot even meditate it is so bad. I pace from one end of the sitting area to the other, my hands behind my back trying to calm my racing nerves. I look at the crono on the wall. 3 AM.. why can't I seem to sleep?

All of a sudden there is a soft knock at my door.

Puzzled I throw on a fluffy robe over my cream silk nightgown before I answer the door. There stands Mace Windu and he seems rather.. nervous.. " Master Windu, what's the matter? it's past 3!" He's sweating slightly as he replies" It's a matter of utmost importance.. May I come in?" I invite him inside and gesture for him to take a seat, a finger pressed to my lips to indicate we should be quiet because of the little ones.


He took a seat on the couch and I headed over barefoot to thechair across from him. " I know it would be important for you to come.. what's wrong? you can tell me .. " He looks up at me , a fixed stare, a bold one. I can hear Catia angrily trying to break free. She does not trust him, never has. " Phobia.. I .. " his voice breaks.. " I care for you , more than I should.. In fact.. I love you.. I always have."

I stared open mouthed at him. what was he saying? The wind seemed to whistle through my ears and my heart pounding drowned out all conversation. Gasps left my mouth and my throat tightened. Mace love me? NO! the man was incapable of love, he never let anyone close to him ever! I saw him kneeling before me, taking my hands in his. I at last found my voice" Love me? you lie!"

He let me go and fell back apparently hurt. " I am a Jedi , I do not lie"

My eyes hardened and I rose from my chair" You DO lie I see it in your eyes. You only think you are in love with me. you are in love with a dead woman.. You love Depa! You only think to use me as a replacement! I know you never got over loosing her Mace, but this is not the way."
His voice was hard as steel" you sound EXCACTLY like him.. you know that?"
Heart was kicking madly in my chest. I did not want to betray any emotion for fear he would run to the council and it would be over right then, so I played dumb" Why whoever do you mean Mace?"

A stormy look crossed his features" Obi Wan.. I see the looks Phobia, don't play coy.. I know you love him.."


I could feel lightning gathering around my right hand, Mace was about to be a dead Jedi if he did not stop this.

He continued" Kenobi is a fool! He would have to be blind not to see how lucky he is! You are a beautiful woman, intellegent, loving, kind and loyal. Why he cannot see that is beyond me, but please give me a chance?"

I shook my head" If you were truthful I would, but you have lied to me thus far. you love a woman who is in another words dead. I will not play a replacement. "

" Replacement? I love you damnit! why can't you see? I always have!. Ever since you came here!"

Vocies were rising, but I was so angry I did not care " where were you whenever I needed someone to turn to? Someone who knew the darkness and could have helped me? Sitting on your damn council chair that's where! You didn't give a hutt underbelly what happened to me you nerf herder! you have no right to come in here and lay sweet lies at my feet whenever I have sturggled and scraped for every piece, every honor, everything I have made."


My heart was pounding so loud it was like a drum. Tears blinded my eyes but I would not give him the plesure of seeing them. I blinked them away I caught my reflection in the window. My eyes were no longer the soft brown they usually were. They were red.. sith red. All of my rage gathered into a spearhead and before I could stop myself I found my voice rising to a scream loud enough to wake the dead.


" Don't you DARE come here and try and tell me you speak the truth. You are a liar and the lowest piece of filth Mace Windu. Go back to where you were. I will bow to no one. I know why the council will not make a master! It is because I am too powerful! you fear me! Well you espically have damn good reason to fear me. I warn you now, cross my path again and it will NOT be pretty now GET OUT!"

Lightning was gathering until things started gathering around me. Mace's eyes grew wide and he stumbled backwards fumbling for the door.I was hurt, damn hurt. I knew all it would take is for Mace to say one word to Yoda and I would be out of the order. but I would not live in fear of him or anyone. I had fought too long , too hard to let someone trample on me now. Mace turned and ran out the door, scared. I could feel he was scared.. and I didn't care in fact I enjoyed it.. every last second of it.

The moment the door slammed Belda came out of her room in her pj's with her blanket . She was crying bitterly. I immeditly regretted raising my voice to Mace. I should have known better. I knelt down and ruffled her hair slightly. " I'm sorry about all of the noise Belda.. the ah.. " Force how was I going to explain screaming at a council member?

I just hugged her tightly, trying to hold back a tornado of tears and broken sobs that threatened to escape me. She wouldn't understand what was going on, nor did I expect her to. I wondered briefly if anyone else had heard the argument.. I doubted it considering the VERY obscure location of my room .I reached for a hankcherief and wiped away her tears. " shh It's okay.. " I whispered pulling her close as i got to my feet and took a seat where Mace had bee not five minutes beofre

" Master? are you okay? what happened? I heard shouting.. ". I barely noticed my eyes were back to normal, but I didn't feel like they were. I couldn't let her get involved in this . I shook my head" it's okay, let's go check on the pups and the mother, then you need to get back to bed "

Nodding, we checked on the pups, they were all okay.


It took me nearly an hour and a half to get her back to sleep. I told her at least three stories , and by the third she had dropped off to sleep , her small hand in mine. Every time I tried to get up, she refused to let me go. Finally about 430 or 5 in the morning she let my hand go and rolled over in her sleep. I gestured for Lisette to keep a watch on her. Leaving the door open I padded to the sitting area, the emotional damn I had constructd about to burst

I went over to the cushioned window ledge. I shrugged the robe off my shoulders and force help me I broke into a million tiny pieces. I cried until tears wouldn't come anymore. My red puffy eyes met the crono.. It was now almost 6.. I had to be up at 7.. Sighing I tucked my knees under me, pulled my robe up for a blanket and went to sleep.. for a little while, maybe sleep could ease the new troubles on my mind.. Though I did feel like I was being watched..
Til later
Pho

The Curse of my Family part 6( Escape from Korriban and a new discovery)

As the morning sunlight first woke me, I could feel the force humming around me like a bee's nest.I had finally been healed. So before Belda awoke I headed back to the canyon cave where my brother's fighter was stored. With some good fortune he had steel trunks with locks in the back, all the keys present. So my first order of buisness was to start loading the bigger artifacts into the cases and moving them over by the far wall.

Swords, statues, you name it it was there. I could feel Catia astral projecting herself to work side by side with me. It was like a sort of rubbery shield around my psyche and my body to protect me from the darkness of the artifacts. One by one the trunks were sealed and placed into the far corner where I woud place them in the cargo hold of my fighter later on.


I did find some intresting things though.. A staff . It was polished ivory and was coated in ancient runes. Images flashed before my eyes of great wars in years past. I was so startled I almost dropped the staff . I must have hit a sort of secret compartment because a piece of parchment.. yes you heard me right.. parchment tumbled out from the hiding place. I unfolded it carefully not wanting to rip it.

Across the top was scrawled in hasty writing" The nexus gate" . As I kept reading my hands began to shake. It seemed too good to be true.. This could solve all of the problems of what was going to happen.. No one's life would have to be sacrificed for peace to be brought to the galaxy.. all it took was a simple matter of gathering the holocrons..


I was near to tears in my joy as I kept loading things into the chests.. 7 chests worth of artifacts already.. sheesh.. I pocketed the holocrons in a sperate bag.. as well as the star map.. and the sword I wrapped in my outer robe. I could not let the council have these.. not now.. not yet. Not when a soulition was soo close. I highly considered speaking with Kurama but decided against it. He would be as bad as Obi Wan .. I had to smile at that.. Those two were so much alike, I don't think they even realizied it.Same thing with Yusuke and Anakin.


I shook my head clearing it of fond memories for the present.. too many distractions and I could get myself killed. Yama wouldn't be happy with me. . I packed up what was left and moved the trunks to my fighter. I was actually wondering where Anakin was.. if he got back yet and if I could smack his sorry head in when I got back for causing me this much mess.. But then again, it was benifical.. so I could let him off .. maybe.


Once everything was ready I wen back to find Belda. She was packing everything up whenever I heard a low whining from somewhere nearby. I whispered for her to be silent and I went along the cave wall , listening intently. I found a small pit, about as big as Belda was and in it.. you won't believe this.. was a dog.. poor gal was scared to death and to make matters even more complicated, she was a mother.. the whining I had heard was comming from a litter of puppies.. a big litter too at that.. I counted at least 9 if not more. They were cold.. the mom was hungry and we neded to get back to Coruscant so I could get them all to the veternary clinic. I would not leave them here to fend for themselves and die.


" Belda come over here and help me !" I called to her. She was standing on the outside of the pit peering in curiously. Hopping in next to me she brought down the spare blankets and other materials we'd need. The mother watched as I gently wrapped her babies up in a big blue fuzzy blanket before lifting her herself out and getting them situated in the back of the fighter.. at this rate it'd be a mriacle if Belda and I would fit.


Somehow we managed to and we took off for home at last.. On the way there Belda asked me" What do you think the council is going to say to you bringing a litter of pups home with seven trunkfuls of sith artifacts? "


I blinked.. " truthfully I 've got no clue. but I won't let them turn thse pups up to an animal shelter.. not yet.. I know I can find them good homes.. in fact.. I think I know of a few senators who have been speaking of wanting a dog.. " I remembered Senator Organa and Senator Mon Mothma were two of them.. I know they would treat these darlings well. until then they'll stay with me.


". Belda I warn you.. it might seem a tad crowded in my rooms for a bit til we get these little guys homes, but it's quite comfortable there.. if a little hard to remember. First thing we need to do once we land is get these artifacts inside to the council at once.. they are too dangerous to be kept out in the open. then as soon as everything is over .. We need to get these little ones to the clinic. They need to be checked over and so does the mother.. "
Belda nodded smiling" They are adorable aren't they? why would someone leave them out in the cold like that Master Phobia?:


I swallowed.. For the first time.. I saw red.. not just ticked off red.. but sith red. and it was all me, not Catia.. I could feel her suprise and I answered thinly" People are cruel Belda.. they give no thought for life, human or animal.. It's sick and disgusting that they throw away a perfectly loving animal just because she was going to have puppies. They should have taken the precautions, not abondened her for something she did not cause!" My fist hit the control panel and sparks flew but we remained aloft.


I couldn't believe I had just done that.. didn't want to see the dent I had made in the nearly unbendable durasteel. Belda scooted a little closer to where I was sitting. Her voice was low and quiet, but thoughtful" you feel very strongly about this don't you Master Phobia?"
I nodded" Yes Belda I do.. It's not right tp punish someone, be it human or animal for a crime they did not commit. The real crimnal here is ignorance and stupidity. " I shook my head. We were comming in on Coruscant. I radioed down to get the landing clearences and once we were all clear I steered my fighter for the temple.

It felt ood to be home.. no matter the unrest I could feel growing, even in the place I called home.As soon as we were back I told Belda to stay with the puppies and I went to find Master Yoda. I would need him to open the doors to the vault where the artifacts were kept, since he was the only one who I could trust to do this without questions, at least for the present.
His suprise was imense whenever I found him heading down to the cafeteria.

Whenever I explained that I had brought back things that needed to be locked away in the vault below the 2 basement level he agreed and followed me back to the fighter. Belda had hopped down to bring the momma and her babies a little closer so she could make sure all of them were okay.. What followed next has to be one of the reasons why I adore Yoda.


He saw the momma and her pups and he hobbled over , grimer stick and all . he reaches out to the mother, such a warm smile on his face and pats her head, then smiles down at the pups.. They didn't know it , their eyes were still closed. " A good thing you have done Phobia.. hope and light you have brought to the temple.. "


I explained to him that I was thinking of seeing if any of the senators would like to have a dog, that I knew at least Mon Mothma and Bail were speaking of it at one point and he nodded his head smiling, eyes closed. " Best plan this is.. when they mature, they will go to their famlies. For now the temple shall be their home. Maybe adopt one of them I will."


With a wave of his hand all seven trunks flew to him and he nodded, which I meant I knew I had been dismissed for now. I got back in my fighter and asked Belda if she wanted to come along. She was more than happy to. After I had changed into civillian clothes from my room and picked up some credits to pay the veternarian, who I had run into a few weeks prior( which was how I knew where the clinic was) we were off. Little did I know what I was getting myself in for...

Til Later
Pho

The curse of my family pt 5 ( words of wisdom,confusion of the mind)

" More news we have for you concerning your brother.. "

I sat indian style by firelight and nodded" Yes Master? The battle came out as expected.. I buried him under the cliffs. Though he caused us trouble.. He's still my brother. It's the one kindness I could do for him"

Yoda nodded" A kind heart you have. Much to learn from you a padawan would"
My eyes got big as saucers. A padawan? He was joking right? I had of course considered it but it really hadn't come up..

" Joking I am not.. Did you know about the dissapearance of Belda's Master CeCe Denowai ?"
I nodded " Yes Belda had told me of what she knew .. She is very upset by her disaperance. Master Yoda.. I know I should not pry.. but do you know where she is? I would like to be able to give Belda something of a straight answer"

Yoda chuckled and his grimer stick tapped on the floor" You see? a kind loving heart you have. Wanting to help Belda yes?"

I nodded ,a wry smile crossing my face. After all these years, Yoda could read me like a book. Well most of the time..

" Then I have a suggestion for you.. Belda is in need of a Master, at least temporarily until CeCe Denowai is found.. Would you like to become her master? "

I had to say, I was speechless. " Master Yoda, I do not know what to say.. Might I have some time to think on this? "

He nodded" The council will expect an answer upon your return then." The holo clicked out.
You're probably wondering ho this could happen since I have not been elavated to the rank of master yet. Well it's in truth because of the war. The masters are fighting and dying out in the field. For every one sepratist they loose 50 take his place, for every Jedi master we loose, no one take their place.

So now I had heard rumors of the council waving the requirment in some special cases that a knight had to be a master before they could take on a padawan. A surplus of knights and a shortage of masters.. It was the only reasonable soulition.And besides this would only be temporary until her master was found and returned safely. Maybe Yoda wanted to test me.. maybe this was all a big joke.. I really didn't know what to think..

I sat back on my hands by the fire, my head spinning.. ME becoem a master? Even temporarily? I had to admit.. The idea did sound appealing to me.. In just 2 short days Belda had become like a daughter to me.. though I didn't want to admit it. I looked over t her sleeping figure curled up near the cave wall . I wouldn't give my answer to Yoda and the others without speaking to her first. She had as much of a say in this as I did. I figured I would speak to her in the morning.

I was just about to dirft off whenever a cold wind blew the fire out and a darkside presence filled the cave. I was on my feet, my saber ignited in a few short seconds. I could make out a ghostly figure by the light and it's hands were reaching out for Belda!. Remembering the few short lessons I had learned in astral casting I brought my saber down on the ghoul ansd it dissapeared. I hurriedly reignited the fire and I was able to see Belda. Her knees were curled to her chest and her eyes were wide in fear. " i-is he gone?" she asked me, her lower lip trembling slightly.

" Yes he's gone.. That was Phantom Evil I take it?"

She nodded, and then burst into tears. All that night until she finally fell asleep, I cradled her in my arms, doing what I could to comfort her. She was scared and rightfully so, it takes a lot of power in general to be able to astral project. This was one powerful sith.. and then a thought occured to me.. could it be.. Darth Sidious?

All that night I stayed awake, I turned this condrum over and over in my head. by morning's light I had decided that yes .. If Belda would have me as her master, I would take the council's offer. If she would not, then I would still help her defeat Phantom Evil, but I would tell the council no.

Just then Belda stirred from her pillow, which happened to be my shoulder. " Morning Belda.. You feeling better? "She seemed a tad bit confused then nodded. " Belda.. you know Master Yoda called last night right? Well he had a question for me .. and it concerns you.. would you like to know what he asked me?"
As she rose and began making things for breakfast I stopped her" Let me.. go grab a seat and I'll tell you what he asked me"

She headed back over and took a seat on the blanket that had been abondened sometime before.. I think she had thrown it off whenever she got up that morning." What Master Yoda called me about is .. well you" I really wasn't sure how to say this, because I could feel that she missed CeCe geatly. It had caught me off guard too when I had first heard to be truthful." He asked me if I would like to become your temporary master.. At least until CeCe returns.. "

I stopped working and I turned to look her straight in the eye" The decesion is yours Belda. I wwill not force this on you. if you say no then my answer is no. If you agree then I will tell the council yes. The only thing is, Master Yoda expects an answer upon our return to the temple. We are leaving possibly later today. I need to test my strength to see if I am ready to go back. or not. There are some things that the council wants brought back that I found from Granta's collection.They are dangerous artifacts and I will not leave here until I am strong enough to transport them on my own"

Belda nodded solemly and I turned to watch the skies for a while. A tightening in my heart and suddenly my thoughts were pulled down a most unexpected path.. I was wondering if he was okay.. if the council was giving him grief. I hated to admit it.. I really did.. but I missed him.. I missed the temple.. I just wanted life to go back to normal.. Hey waitaminute! Who was I kidding.. life was never normal for me. I heard Catia chuckle in my head " You got that right.. Force Pho, I wish I could make things diffrent for you.. If I could , I would do it in a heartbeat.. No spells, no enchantments.. I'm sorry..I'm not much of a freind am I?"

A single tear slipped down my cheek" It's not you Catia.. I know you would if you could.. But some things just are not meant to be. i just have to content myself with being a freind. No matter my own personal feelings on the matter.. Simply put, Jedi do not have feelings like that..

"I will not , can not admit my feelings. They are foolish and besides.. He's much too good for me"
I could hear Belda padding up behind me. " Are you allright Master Deimos?" she asked, sitting down next to me. Not even looking at her I nodded. She would not understand what I was feeling. In fact I half expected her to crinkle her nose in utter disgust at such an idea.I removed a small holo clip from my belt and pressed the activation button.

It was from when I was younger.. I think maybe 15.. As a reward for our great work rewiring the temple computers and redoing the plumbing( Mace was too cheap to hire pros) Obi wan had taken Anakin and I to the carnival. It was one of the happiest days of my life. The sun was shining and the mantle of darkness that had ensnared us all in it's grip was millenia away, or so it seemed.

Force I could even recall the taste of the cotton candy I had that day.. It was lime flavored. I remember Anakin trying to steal it and I sent him flying into the dunktank. I'm not sure who laughed harder, me or Obi Wan. A time I miss, when we were happy, when we were free. I still carry one trinket besides this holo clip from that perfect afternoon. A simple necklace. No inscription. Silver with an emerald and a sapphire in each end. it held a pciture of him.. I know I should have gotten rid of it long ago, but I didn't have the heart. I still don't to be frank.

I turned to Belda and looked upon her with semi sad eyes" You have such beautiful light Belda.. So bright it almost blinds me.. you remind me why I still fight..I am tired Belda.. tired of fighting.. I have fought all these years for peace for everyone.. but I have not been able to find peace for myself. I hear the screams of those who have fallen under my saber. The stench of blood permeates my clothes, my skin, my mind..The screams of the dying haunt my dreams.. Glowing green eyes of fire, darkness all around me closing in.. A small jewel of light I hang onto.. but sooner or later that jewel will turn to blackness and all will be lost."

My mind is haunted by images of the future of what will become of my brother.. I do not know what I should do. So many choices.. It's like I am being blown like a leaf in the wind. I will not lie.. I crave his smile, his nearness, his presence like I crave nothing else. So much so it has become a drug to me.

I know I will not be able to keep it hidden for much longer. When that time comes.. I have made my choice.. I will travel through the portal one last time.. .. Sequester myself in the future where this secret cannot reach me. Take what I treasure most with me and never return. Even if I must live apart from Ivan.. I will.. I cannot let this touch those who I care for.. Wait! Leaving would hurt them just as bad if not worse.. I do not know what is right and what is wrong anymore..

Oh force help me.. please.. if I don't figure this out soon, this might prove to be the path of my ultimite destruction.. like it almsot destroyed Erifia...I know I am stronger.. or am I?
Til Later
Phobia